


That Lovely Burn

by lostinnowhereland



Series: Alpha/Beta/Omega Universe [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Alpha/Beta, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Anger, Angry Sex, Angst, Arguing, Assumptions, Bonding, But only kinda? I don't know, Confusion, Consensual Sex, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Heartbreak, Past Relationship(s), Requited Love, Shameless Smut, Tagged it anyway just in case, Teen Angst, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:39:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinnowhereland/pseuds/lostinnowhereland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trigger is a lonely Omega with an errant heat problem.</p><p>Zayn is an unmated Alpha living in her building.</p><p>It was meant to be forever, that's what bonding is supposed to mean.  Of course if your Alpha rejects you and unwittingly starts dating your best friend...well that's a whole other story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I deleted this and then decided I was being silly. Sorry to anyone who liked it, I just had some moments of self doubt. But it's back! I hope you like it and sorry again. 
> 
> Comments/feedback/kudos are appreciated and encouraged, but please, if you don't like the story or feel the need to trash it then just don't read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited a few things here and there in this chapter and the rest of the story but the basic storyline is the same for those who've already read this.
> 
> This is the only chapter with slightly blurred lines concerning consent and I would like to make it as clear as possible that everything was consensual. EVERYTHING. You'll get more background on the characters in future chapters, including why Zayn was mad. But there was no one saying no, or wanting to walk away, I tagged Mildly Dubious Consent because of this chapter just as a warning for anyone who might've taken it that way.

The night was dark, oppressive, the sticky, heavy mist swirling around my feet as my shoes scuffed over the blackness of the street. My breath billowed in smoky clouds as I huffed out an aborted sigh, trying to remain silent.

The wind whispered through the trees, the fallen leaves skittering along the ground and crunching underfoot. Bushes rustled, small animals scampering quickly through the night.

Heat prickled the back of my neck, crawling along the nape with a disconcerting edge. I hadn't realized it was going to start. It wasn't supposed to come for another week but the swirling ball of need was already sitting low in my stomach, my temperature rising.

I shivered as the cool air blew across my overheated skin, contrasting with the flush blooming over my cheeks, and sending overbearing shudders down my spine.

I was desperate to get home before my heat hit, to reach the safety of my apartment before I was forced to succumb to the agonizing desire to be knotted. And before any stray Alphas could smell a lonely, unbonded Omega in full blown heat.

My hands were already trembling where I clutched my backpack to my chest, sweat clinging to my palms. Slick was soaking through my jeans, wetting my thighs with the smell of it hanging thickly in the air. It was unnerving, knowing that anyone passing, whether Alpha, Beta, or Omega, would be able to tell how ready I was, how close I would be to begging the first person who came along.

I gasped as my clothes rubbed against my oversensitive skin, nearly collapsing from how good the smallest touch felt. I practically sobbed from how far gone I was, mind foggy and body thrumming with need.

The small parking lot was within reach, flickering fluorescent lights illuminating the silhouettes of the scarce cars. It wasn't that late, just dark. People would still be at work, for which I thanked every deity I could think of as I rushed towards the stairwell.

I could feel my backpack slipping from my grip, and it got harder and harder to concentrate on moving when all I wanted to do was fall into bed. I tripped, sprawling on the ground, reveling in the scratchy carpet on my temple, breath ragged.

Dragging myself up, I crawled towards the stairs, making it to the second floor before flopping on the landing, chest heaving from the effort. I pulled uselessly at my clothes, whining high in the back of my throat as my hair stuck to my damp skin.

"Jesus," came a sharp voice, cutting through the haze of heat.

I whimpered, head lolling to the side, looking up at the tall, muscular figure of my neighbor gazing down at me with lust filled eyes. I huffed out another moan, wordlessly pleading with him.

His cock was thick in his jeans, long and hard, responding immediately to the hormones being released and I wanted him so bad. Could hardly breathe with how much I needed his cock, needed him to knot me until my heat was sated.

It was already beginning to hurt. I was burning up from the inside out, blood sizzling, heart pounding in my ribcage, threatening to explode. A fire was blazing it's way through me, charring my organs and singeing the hairs off my body.

"Trigger," Zayn breathed disparagingly, shaking his head as he scooped me into his arms.

I gratefully settled into his arms, resting a hot cheek to his warm chest as his wiry biceps somehow managed to support me all the way back to my apartment and into my room. There were moments of pure delirium and the ones where I was conscious enough of what I was doing to tug at his clothing, frantically trying to touch bare skin.

Zayn just smelled so fucking good. Like a hint of Old Spice and cinnamon with a smoky tinge all wrapped up in unadulterated Alpha. I keened as I was laid out on the bed, deft fingers relieving me of my clothes as they were practically ripped off.

"Please- Please Zayn. M'sorry-please," I murmured, making grabby hands in his general direction as I writhed on the bed, reveling in the cold, silky feel of the sheets.

"Fuck, you're a fucking Omega. How could I miss that before?" he growled, shedding his own clothes before blanketing my body with his, the weight of him pressing into me making me tremble beneath him.

"S-Sorry," I stuttered out, trying to apologize in the midst of having my senses overtaken by uncontrollable hormones.

"Can't fucking walk away now can I? Have to knot you, yeah?" Zayn breathed, pressing hot, sucking kisses over my neck up to my ear, teeth scraping over the lobe as our hips rolled together.

I could feel him twitch against my tummy as my nails scraped down his back in urgency, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"That's what you wanted though, wasn't it?" he accused seductively, a dangerous edge to his tone as his fingers danced over my sides before his thumbs flicked over rock hard nipples, making me mewl from the unexpected pleasure.

I didn't even bother trying to respond. I could barely form words besides, "Please, Zayn. Please. Sorry. Knot, need your knot."

He mouthed over the column of my throat, teeth sinking into the bond spot in a teasing manner, making me come instantly, squirming against the tight hold he had on my hips. His hands bit into my thighs as his blunt nails scratched over them, lips smashing into mine.

It was painful and oh so good, hot and dirty as tongues tangled and mouths sucked on lips while Zayn's hand smoothed over my stomach, tauntingly running a finger between the sharp jut of my hip bones.

I quivered, stomach muscles jumping at his light touch before Zayn dipped into my center, two fingers stretching me open to get me ready for his huge cock.

"Smell so good. Fucking brilliant," he whispered, watching me intently with blown pupils overwhelming his whiskey colored eyes.

My back arched obscenely and my hands clenched into fists as Zayn added another finger, pumping them into me quickly as he licked into my mouth with a passionate ferocity, rutting against my stomach.

He peppered kisses, lips dragging over my boobs, tongue laving over the underside of one before sucking a love bite into the other as his fingers fucked into me. Then I was clamping down on them, body tensing as another orgasm was wrenched from me, eyes rolling into the back of my head while Zayn nuzzled into the valley between my breasts, stubbled jaw grazing deliciously over my skin.

His cock was pressing in before I could come down from my high, Zayn carefully pushing forward until he was balls deep, the base of his dick throbbing threateningly as if his knot could pop at any moment.

I whimpered from the oversensitivity but the unrelenting need made it hurt so good as Zayn pulled out to the tip before slamming back in.

I screamed in pleasure, throwing my head back as he plunged into me, using me to satisfy the frustration he felt. I could feel the anger simmering beneath olive skin, the irritation at having found me hungry for a knot as he pounded into me, roughly grabbing at my body, easily finding all my soft spots.

Big hands cupped my ass as Zayn lifted me up, readjusting the angle to ram into the nerves deep inside that had me choking out a strangled moan and clinging to him even tighter.

He guided me, working me on his cock as it nestled even further inside of me, fucking upwards with brutal strokes. I could feel every inch of his thick cock rawly driving into me, hips snapping as I eagerly ground down.

His fingers threaded through my hair, yanking at it until my head was tipped back, lips skimming over my neck, teeth nipping at my jaw.

"Gonna fucking knot you, yeah? That's what you wanted, like. To be full of my cock?" Zayn asked, thrusting into me harder, faster, chasing his orgasm.

I nodded frantically, our lips brushing feverishly before his tongue was nudging into my mouth, caressing my own in a pulsing dance as he shoved into me one more time before his knot plumped up, locking us together.

I gasped when I felt the hot wetness of Zayn's come emptying inside, his heavy balls pressed to me jerking as he came, my nails digging into his shoulders as I shuddered through yet another high.

"Yeah-fuck-come on my knot. So fucking pretty, Trigger," he groaned, burying his face into my neck as he held me close, hips jolting as another bout of come pulsed into me.

Zayn growled, eyes smoldering with lust as he inhaled sharply before he was biting down, teeth breaking the skin.

I cried out, arching against him, shifting his cock inside me, the head insistently rubbing against my spot. I shivered, forehead resting against his collarbone as I slumped into Zayn, coming once more as we bonded.

"Feels so good," I whimpered breathlessly, draping my arms over Zayn's shoulders as he leaned back against the wall with an exasperated huff.

I squirmed restlessly on Zayn's cock, not one for just sitting quietly with the heaviness of tension weighing me down. A violent shudder and I was coming painfully, overly sated and whining as my nails clawed down Zayn's chest.

"Shh, got you baby. Just stay still, yeah?" he soothed me, a hint of his Alpha timbre lacing his voice making me absolutely melt, especially when he kissed just behind my ear, the softest caress of his lips.

 

It was three days and about a dozen knots later that my heat finally broke in the middle of the night. Exhausted, emotionally and physically, we both fell asleep after a rushed shower and blearily changing the sheets, tangled up together.

 

When I woke up the next day it was to the light sprinkling of rain tapping at the window just above my bed. I stretched lazily, body achy and sore, weak from not eating properly for days. I shuddered when Zayn's hot breath fanned over my bare skin, a warm, strong arm resting heavily across my waist.

I blearily opened my eyes, taking in his unfathomable beauty. There was a softness about him when he was sleeping, one that I hadn't seen very often despite the time we'd spent together. Not when he just got angry all over again every time he was forced to knot me.

A strong jaw and sharp cheekbones were accentuated by the stubble that was growing thicker by the day and eyelashes swept gracefully over the hollows beneath his eyes. His pouty, kiss swollen lips were parted as he let out short puffs of breath, his hold on me tightening as he nuzzled into my shoulder, inhaling sharply as he unconsciously nosed his way to the nape of my neck.

I sighed happily, more than content to be enveloped in his warmth, as I cautiously lifted my hand to trace over tattoos splashed over perfect skin.

Tentative and soft, my fingers connected with a smooth forearm, gently following the lines of the skull etched between a microphone and a ZAP tattoo. I was overwhelmed with the urge to learn every story behind each tattoo, to press my lips over the one embedded in the middle of his chest.

I wanted to know him, had always wanted to break through the massive walls he'd built around himself. He was always so guarded every time we spoke before. Even late study sessions resulted in him clamming up when he felt he'd said too much.

I'd only been able to collect bits and pieces of him before, saved them and savored them, seeing them as what they were; treasures. Zayn was a private person, one who didn't seem to let people in very often, as I knew first hand, but I more than enjoyed coaxing him out of his shell.

It was usually accidental, the parts of himself that he revealed when we were up late and he was helping me with my History assignments. Like the fact that the apparent "bad boy" in leather with a cigarette dangling between two long fingers loved comic books, and he was an art student at the local institute fifteen minutes away from the university I attended.

I timidly moved up his arm, thumb catching on his chin before he caught my wrist in his large hand. I flinched at the harsh grip and Zayn's steely hazel eyes when they snapped open.

"Don't. Just- don't fucking touch me. There's been enough of that, yeah?" he rasped as he threw the blankets from our bodies, carefully climbing out of bed before he released me.

I cowered, almost completely bare save a pair of tiny panties my best friend had gotten me for Christmas. I watched him glare at me as he struggled his way into his rumpled clothing, stumbling as he yanked on his jeans.

I berated myself internally. I had never been the type to shy away, had always fought back when cruel comments were thrown my way about my status and I shouldn't let just a few words intimidate me.

But the words stuck in my throat under Zayn's intense, brooding gaze as he clenched the door knob in his fist, hesitating before he left, slamming the front door after him.

So I sat there in bed, staring at the place he had been, the over powering scent of Alpha hanging in the air, unique to Zayn in every way that left me drowning in sorrow.

My bond mark burned, as if it were searing further into my skin and I shivered from the pain of it. I groaned, rubbing at the scabbed over skin, eyes practically rolling back in my head from the surprising pleasure of it. I'd heard of sensitive necks after bonding but never thought I'd ever get to experience it.

A mind numbing wave of sadness crashed over me, remembering I'd been rejected by my mate, that he'd left without so much as a goodbye and no clear intention of returning. Falling back onto the bed I buried myself in his lingering scent, wishing that I had gotten home just a few minutes earlier.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure you're okay?" Liam inquired tenatively as Niall's sticky fingers prodded at the healing mark on my neck.

I shook my head, flinching at the tingling sensation from Niall touching my now most sensative spot, "Probably not, but I feel fine. Kind of."

There was a random jolt of anger that wasn't mine before the emotion was gone, disappearing as quickly as it had come.

"Can't even imagine, like, trying to be away from Liam when we first bonded. Would've been impossible," Niall replied in awe, still studying my neck intently.

I shrugged, jerking at the impulse to kick something. I was getting tired of Zayn's moody bouts of rage.

He'd been trying to block me out for a week, most likely attempting to sever the bond, but it wasn't working, whatever he was doing. All it did was aggravate the both of us. I wasn't keen on letting him know what I was feeling any more than he seemed to be. He just needed to stop being such a baby about it and get over it.

It wasn't as if I necessarily enjoyed feeling what he did. But he was acting as if we were never even friends, like we didn't know each other at all before we bonded. If he had just given me the time to explain instead of assuming, then maybe he wouldn't be so angry. I guessed that was out of the question and I supposed I should've expected it; he did kind of get blindsided. I could understand why he'd be annoyed, but it wasn't like I'd planned it.

I was caught off guard just like he was. The only difference was that I must've been thinking about him more than he had about me. What I didn't understand was why he wouldn't at least just listen then pass judgement, it wasn't uncommon for an Alpha to help an Omega through heat, even if they happened to be complete strangers.

"Yeah well, you guys had already soul bonded hadn't you? Not all of us can so be lucky," I sighed, abruptly standing, stalking into the kitchen just to have something to do other than tolerate Zayn's brooding.

"Just don't understand it, you should want to be around him all the time, yeah?" Liam pointed out, craning his neck so he could see me from where he was sat on my couch.

I gripped the counter tightly, knuckles going white as I glared at my reflection in the microwave. Bright blue eyes were narrowed in a scrutinizing fashion, taking in the delicate features and the loose black hair framing my face as I wondered if Zayn saw what I did, if he liked what he saw.

He must've. He bit me after all, and I wasn't terrible to look at. I had been hit on enough by sleazy, overbearing Alphas whenever my best friend, Mia, dragged me from the seclusion of my apartment to know that. I just couldn't fathom what he saw that made him hate me so much, not when we'd spent so many nights lounging around his apartment with takeout and textbooks surrounding us.

It all changed the second he bit me. Something shifted and now all I was met with was hostility and a threatening, jaw clenched expression each time Zayn's eyes met mine.

"Well I don't. It's not a big deal, really. He doesn't seem to think so either," I shrugged, swallowing hard and turning away from the disapproving look I was giving myself.

"I'm sure he's just trying work things out for himself," Liam insisted, catching Niall from wiping the residue coating his fingers on his jeans, licking it off instead.

They were so cute it was sickening sometimes. They were a true love story, one wrought with overbearing fluff, something that was hard to achieve when there were so many who treated Omegas like dirt and the general population considered them playthings. Niall and Liam were one of the lucky couples who had found each other extremely early in life and somehow managed to soul bond without the usually needed bite. It was a miracle, one they had been blessed with.

"I seriously doubt it. He's made it very clear how he feels, and I'm fine with it," I lied, digging through the refrigerator so they couldn't see my face.

It was hard. I craved his touch, his voice, his scent, still clouding my mind, just yearned to be near him. It was almost unbearable, not being around him. It was a physical ache in my chest, one that could not be sated with the rare glimpse of Zayn, especially when he just ignored me.

But he didn't want me and I refused to stop living my life just because my Alpha rejected me. I had allowed myself a moment of self pity, wallowed in it and cried, but it was time to pick up the pieces and move on. I had to. It was my only option.

There were cases of some Omegas being so distraught and dependent on their Alphas that they were driven insane once they'd been rejected. I wasn't going to be one of them. I wasn't going to let it get to me. I had the control. I could do it. I was fine before Zayn and I would be fine after him. My body just hadn't gotten the memo yet.

 

I was thundering down the stairs, fumbling with my books and haphazardly yanking on my jacket, desperate to get to class on time. My alarm hadn't gone off and I was forced into a late start, unable to shower or eat breakfast, just throwing on some clothes and grabbing what I would need for the day.

I slipped, foot missing the step I'd been aiming for and narrowly caught myself on the metal railing, materials flying from my arms. I let out a frustrated yell, furiously collecting what I'd dropped as I went, fingers scrabbling at the carpeted steps before I smacked into someone.

I cursed, whirling, "Shit, sorry- oh."

"Watch it," Zayn commanded gruffly, voice unfairly sending shudders up my spine.

"'It wasn't my fault," I retorted, defiantly matching his piercing stare with one of my own.

"Actually it was, all of it," he huffed, glowering powerfully at me.

"Says the one who bonded us," I shot back, feeling a sudden rush of anger followed by a wave of regret before both were whisked away.

He was getting better at controlling our bond, what I could feel of him, that is.

"Wouldn't have if you could've been fucking responsible," Zayn growled, shoving past me, managing to knock my text books from my grasp yet again, and stomping down the rest of the stairs.

I angrily kicked the door, ignoring my throbbing foot as I savagely stuffed my things into my bag before heading to my car. Screw Zayn. I hadn't meant for any of it to happen any more than he did. But it did. It happened and he had to fucking deal with it just like I was. All him running away did was make it that much harder to work out what we wanted to do about the bond.

There were ways to break them, but they were terrible, sometimes life threatening if not done properly. We could go to a hospital, there were injections that were able to break the bond, it just hurt like crazy, the pain was an overwhelming one, that could lead to death if the bond was strong enough. There was the old fashioned way of the Alpha biting someone different or the Omega mating with another person but that took time.

Any option had to discussed, it wasn't a something that you could decide by yourself. I wouldn't want a major choice in my life to be in someone else's hands, and I was pretty sure there were laws in place about breaking bonds. But if Zayn wanted to be stubborn then fine, I would wait, my life didn't revolve around him and the fact that we were bonded did nothing to stop me from living it.

 

"Honestly babes, you should just come out with us. It would be so much fun. I really want you to meet him, yeah?" Mia coaxed, voice tinny through the phone.

I was lazily lounging on my bed, trying to memorize dates of importance during the Renaissance and failing miserably. Zayn was the one who was good at that, who had pulled my crappy grade in history out of the dumps by somehow getting the correct information through my thick skull. I was hopeless, just couldn't comprehend it for some reason or other, it didn't sink in.

"I don't think that I'd be very good company right now," I finally told her, resisting the urge to spill about what had happened.

I just couldn't. It was Mia, perfect Beta Mia. She wouldn't understand. She'd never even come close to bonding with someone. Not only that, her status prevented her from ever feeling the desperate urge to mate, to bond, to belong to- or rather **_with_** , as I'd like to believe- someone.

"I feel like I've barely seen you this entire month, T, and every time I do you look miserable. I dunno what's going on with you love, but I'm starting to get really worried," she replied softly.

I sighed, dropping the pen that I had been chewing on, pushing my notebook away from me and rolling onto my back. I didn't doubt what she said in the slightest.

I hadn't seen, heard, or touched Zayn for a month, not since that day in the stairwell. Hadn't even been able to sneak a glance at him. It's like he just vanished. But he knew exactly where I was, he just didn't want anything to do with me.

I could already feel him shutting me out, controlling the bond between us. The worst part being that I could still get little pulses, tiny indications of his mood and hints that he was close.

There were still odd pangs that radiated in my chest throughout the day, ones that I had gotten used to when they hadn't been there before. I didn't know what it meant. All I knew was that my Alpha had abandoned me and I had to fight the part of me that was broken up about it. Because that part was dangerous. It was what led so many others down a path they could never come back from.

So many Omegas and Alphas, even the odd Beta, had been driven to do crazy stupid things in the absence of their mate. When you bonded, the attachment was so strong, even if you'd never known each other before, that you felt that you would die without that person. It was just a natural side effect of it, something that was so engrained in our DNA that not even breaking the bond could necessarily make you feel whole again unless you had your mate in your life.

It wasn't something you simply got over. Mates are meant to be for life, formal bond or not, you take that away and you might as well leave that person walking around feeling empty or like that part of themselves is missing.

"Trigger?" Mia prompted gently when my silence had overwhelmed the both of us.

"I know, I'm sorry, I've just been really stressed out lately, midterms coming up and everything," it wasn't a total lie, I was freaking out over the upcoming tests. It just wasn't all there was to it.

"Are you sure?" she asked, suspicion coloring her tone as a spark of heat shot up my spine.

"Yeah," I breathed, jerking upright in bed in alarm as I checked the calendar that hung on the wall next to my desk.

I shuddered, warming up quicker than I ever had before. I could feel the sweat already starting to bead on my skin, aching to rip my clothes off as I squirmed in bed.

I wasn't supposed to be in heat for another month, not with the suppressant regimen I was on, but I was already close to panting as my body kicked into overdrive.

"Babes, are- are you going into heat?" Mia asked tentatively.

I nodded even though she couldn't see me, whining high in the back of my throat as my mouth went dry and I pathetically fell sideways onto my mattress. I buried my face into the pillow that smelled most like Zayn as I writhed on the bed, pained whimpers falling from my lips.

"Hurts," I groaned, clutching my cell in a death grip.

"Shit, shit, okay, I'll be there in a bit," she promised frantically, rustling on the other end indicating she was running around looking for her keys.

"No! No, just, um, have fun, need to do this myself," I gasped out, hanging up and tossing my phone across the room as I struggled to get out of my clothing.

 

It was a long heat, one full of agonizing orgasms that felt like they were shredding me into tiny little pieces. Each time I came without a knot my head became even fuzzier, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. I fought to hold on, to get off without it hurting but it was no use.

I fumbled through every trick in the book, throwing myself into a cold shower during short bursts of lucid thought, letting the chilly water beat down in rivets. It felt like the tip of a knife slipping beneath my skin a hundred times over with every splash of the spray as I shivered, head rolling along the wall as I slipped into more delusions.

It was exhausting, crawling my way back to my room, stopping every little bit to clutch at the wall, the carpet, anything I could close my fists around at the truly devastatingly anguish that was boiling beneath my skin.

I could feel my bond mark burn hotter than ever as I thrashed in bed, a desperate, almost inhuman scream wrenching itself from my body before I finally descended into blackness.

 

Cool fingers were brushing over my forehead, gently unsticking sweaty strands of hair from my damp skin as my eyelids fluttered open.

Everything was blurry, unfocused and dizzying. I whined lowly, curling up on my side, around the body that was perched on the edge of my bed.

Shuddering under the soft touches I chanced another peek at the person invading my heat draped room.

"Zayn?" I rasped, blinking blearily up at the smooth, reserved face of my Alpha.

"Felt it, how bad it hurt and that," he murmured distantly.

I nodded wearily, shakily reaching for his hand and weakly hooking our pinkies together as he kept running his fingers through my hair until I drifted off to sleep again, finally achieving some sort of comfort.

 

"Trigger?" a far away voice floated in through the dense craze of a post heat rocked brain.

I groaned, rolling over, blissfully a normal temperature, "You stayed?"

"I just got here babes, who're you talking about?" Mia asked, leaning closer until her long, brown hair dangled in my face, tickling my nose.

I swatted the offending irritant away, fitfully flopping onto my back again.

"Thought-thought you were someone else. Guess I must've dreamed it," I sighed despairingly, holding onto the faint delusion Zayn had been there with me.

"Who'd you think I was? The lad who bit you?" Mia inquired softly, tucking shining strands of dark hair behind her ear.

I nodded, head thick and heavy, every thought drifting through hard to hold onto as my best friend cooed quietly.

"C'mon, let's get you in the shower and air out this room. You reek," she teased lightly, gently man handling me into my bathroom and bringing clothes for me to change into when I was done.

The freezing spray counteracted any left over tendrils of heat that might've been swirling through me, clearing my mind a bit as I relaxed and let the pressure of water work out the tense set of my shoulders.

 

When I finally reemerged, feeling clean for the first time in days, I wearily pulled on first my jeans and then my shirt. I huffed out a sigh, confused as to why I was wearing tight clothes, denim clinging like a second skin to my legs.

I groaned, slumping my way back into my room, quirking an eyebrow at Mia as she thumbed through her phone, probably texting the latest guy she'd decided to string along.

"Why?" I asked simply when she finally looked up.

"Weeell, I may or may not have made plans tonight and I think you should come. I really want you to meet my new beau," she smiled happily, blue eyes wide in a faux innocence that drove me insane.

"M, I'm so tired and hungry right now. I don't have the energy," I pleaded, sagging in defeat, knowing that she wouldn't let me wiggle out of meeting this mystery man yet again.

I'd avoided it as long as possible but I was cornered, and completely screwed when she finally revealed we were going to my favorite restaurant and that she would buy.

"Besides, I think you owe me an explanation seeing as you have a new mark on your neck that you didn't deem worthy of mentioning before," Mia added crossly, quirking an eyebrow in a concerned but exasperated manner.

 

Less than an hour later we were pulling into the parking lot of a local diner that had the best shakes, and fries to die for. I could feel an unsettling twisting deep in my gut, stomach knotting horrendously as we entered the restaurant.

I reluctantly dragged my feet, shuffling along, practically sleep walking with my only motivation being the promise of some sort of sustenance.

I couldn't even take in my surroundings, everything a blur of color as we made our way to the back, following dutifully behind the hostess.

It took me a minute to realize where we'd ended up. The scent registering before the spark of electricity that hummed through my body as my eyes caught Zayn's when he stood to greet us.

My throat tightened, chest constricted with the overwhelming urge to fall into his arms while my brain screamed at me to run. Instead I numbly smiled, pretending as if I didn't know the man sat across from me with an altogether shocked expression infused with annoyance.

Mia, always more oblivious than she thought, chattered away, breezing through introductions with a dazzling grin whilst Zayn just stared at me.

I could feel his gaze weighing heavily on me as I scanned the menu, already knowing what I was going to get. I just couldn't meet his eyes, couldn't bear to see the caramel flecked with gold that shone with such intensity.


	3. Chapter 3

"You look like shit," Zayn hissed, jolting me out of the slight doze I'd fallen into.

My eyes snapped open, flicking to where Mia had been sitting a moment before, catching a glimpse of her hair disappearing through the bathroom door.

"Yeah, well," I shrugged exhaustedly, raking my fingers through my drying hair.

"Heat just ended?" he guessed coldly, eyes steely as they fixed on me.

I nodded, subjecting to the silent anger raging behind a mask of calm.

"Should've stayed home. Not fair to the blokes out there who have to smell it," Zayn growled accusingly.

I resisted the urge to snap at him, too tired for another argument. I was so tired of all of it. I wished he would just fucking talk to me so we could figure everything out and just break the bond already. I wanted to be free. I felt like I was tied down, unable to really move on while we were still connected.

A traitorous part of me didn't care, loved being bonded to Zayn, but if he didn't want it, if he didn't want me then I wasn't going to force him. Even before I knew that Zayn didn't want to have a mate, had told me one night when he was spectacularly drunk that he'd rather die alone first than be bonded. It was one of the reasons that the ebbing feelings I'd been having for him were curbed, pushed to the back of my mind in a little box, only to be let out late at night when I was alone and there was no one to judge me.

"Was forced to come," I muttered dejectedly, glancing away to see if the food was going to arrive anytime soon as Zayn snorted derisively.

"Forced to do what?" Mia inquired, slipping back into the booth with a bright smile.

"Come here," I answered shortly, turning back to them.

I saw Mia's fingers entwine with Zayn's, watched as his skin contrasted with hers and nearly flinched at the roar of jealousy ripping apart my insides.

"Oh, yeah, figured she could use it, after going through all that alone. Besides, wanted her to meet you," she told Zayn, curling closer to him.

"Why not just get someone to help?" he asked, a mocking edge to his voice.

My foot instinctively kicked out, connecting hard with Zayn's shin. He jerked in his seat very slightly, shooting me a grimace.

"Didn't work out so well last time," Mia started somewhat hesitantly, pausing at my wide eyed expression.

"No?" Zayn pried, like it was some sick game to him.

"Was wretched, proper fucked up what happened. Some wanker that just happened across her when it got to be too much and she couldn't reach her apartment knotted her, bit her, then left. First time she's even shagged a bloke, much less been knotted and he just up and disappears," Mia ranted, blurting the story she'd just heard with no more prompting.

It felt like my heart stopped. I froze, body tense as I just stared in awe at my best friend telling my mate what really occurred the night we'd bonded.

"I um, I have to go," I choked out, ignoring the severe rush of dizziness when I stood up too fast as I nearly sprinted out the door.

 

I trembled, shivering as the chilly night air seeped through the scarce amount of clothes I happened to be wearing, walking along the side of the road as rain began sprinkling, soft drops sliding over my skin.

The darkness was closing in fast, the remaining smear of indigo fading into utter blackness, just the hazy light of the moon lighting my way before it was snuffed out by the thunderous clouds passing across it.

I fumbled with my phone, shakily handling it with care as I turned on the flashlight app. Asphalt glittering, and the resounding silence my only company, I forced myself to walk. I pushed my body to it's limits, mind numb from exhaustion and starvation.

I needed to eat and sleep then it would...it would be better than the soul crushing craving for Zayn and his love on top of the deprivation from my heat. I knew it was beause of the bond, knew that I would have just merely been hurt before, but I couldn't fight, just let myself feel it until I was in a state that I could better combat it.

I had to get home. It was just a question of actually making it that far. A two mile walk in tumultuous weather, wind beginning to whip my damp hair in my face, eyes unfocused and feet unsteady, I shuffled along, dragging.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been walking or how I could manage to be any more miserable when a beat up looking convertible crept up alongside me. I tensed, robotically turning to peer through the passenger window.

Harsh amber eyes gazed back at me, the firm set of Zayn's jaw sharp and demanding as he leaned over lithely, pushing the door open. I stared at the gesture uncomprehendingly, swaying a bit where I stood as the rain beat down harder before I grabbed at the hood of the car, stumbling inside.

I sank heavily into the seat, melting into the slightly split leather, body liquefying at the relief.

"Thank you," I rasped, head lolling towards Zayn.

He was resolutely avoiding my eyes, glaring hard out of the windshield and into the night unfolding before us as he drove surely. The tendons in his forearm flexed, reminiscent of the night we'd bonded when Zayn had rolled me onto my back, pressing me insistently into the mattress, lips feverishly grazing over my skin.

My eye lids drooped, heavy and unresponsive as the gentle hum of the engine weaved it's way through the poignant strains of a song pouring out of the radio speakers.

There was the slightest brush of fingertips over my cheek, the shudder inducing touch of two mates that had me drifting off to sleep.

 

"Trigger," Zayn urged, gently prodding my shoulder.

I groaned pitifully, close to crying from how tired and hungry I was. From how much I yearned to fall into Zayn's arms and feel just for a moment that he loved me, or at least cared about me. Stupid bond.

I blearily sat up, head tipping forward until I was ready to lift it with any sort of stability.

We were sitting in the apartment complex parking lot right across from the door to the stairwell, both of us staring blankly ahead.

"I didn't know," he murmured, begrudgingly.

"Of course you didn't, you just assumed that I was trying to trap you. I didn't go looking for an Alpha, Zayn. I'm only eighteen, I don't need a soulmate. It just happened. Maybe if you had asked or taken the time to, I don't know, talk to me like a normal human being, you would've known that." I muttered icily, heart pounding violently in my chest.

I watched the way that his jaw clenched, took in the tight set of his shoulders before he woodenly faced me.

"You didn't seem like an Omega. It was a shock, that," Zayn replied quietly, voice washing over me in soothing waves.

"There isn't anything wrong with being an Omega. I'm quite proud of my status. The only reason I don't go around broadcasting it is because of dicks like you who just assume I'm weak and dependent on a fucking knot. I'm not some submissive little plaything," I huffed vehemently.

"I know you're not. Christ, I think I know you. At least a bit, yeah? Just fucking hell- You're an Omega," Zayn growled defensively, eyes intense and intimidating.

"You keep saying that; like being an Omega is the most disgusting thing you could ever dream of. Why is it such a big deal? I'm an Omega, call the fucking media!" I argued, twisting around in my seat fully.

"It's not. It-It isn't. I just- I don't date Omegas, like. I just don't!" he shouted, finally cracking after staying calm for so long.

"Then why did you do it? Why did you bite me?" I demanded, body thrumming with adrenaline, vibrating with the constant need for him bubbling just beneath the surface.

"Because I couldn't help myself," Zayn snapped, whiskey eyes fiery, smoldering with an unexplainable emotion.

I flinched underneath his powerful gaze, instincts screaming at me to back off and shrink away.

There was a deep rumble of annoyance, "You caught me too off guard and I lost control."

"Cause it's my fault right? That's what you said," I scoffed.

"I thought it was," Zayn sighed bitterly.

"There isn't anything wrong with making a mistake. What was wrong was you treating me like I was nothing," I whispered dejectedly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, eyes softening to molten chocolate shot through with golden flecks.

"Yeah, me too," I lamented, hands scrubbing over my face.

I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes, letting the sharp sting and the blooming yellow stars distract me.

I heard Zayn open the door, listened to the slam of it and then felt the sudden gust of cold air rush through the passenger side when he had rounded the front bumper.

I jerked in surprise when the click of the seatbelt signaled it's release and Zayn's arms scooped me up, carefully maneuvering me out of the car. I curled into his chest, hand resting over where I knew lush red lips were inked into his skin, reveling in the cautious, tender way he carried me.

I could feel the slight quiver of his muscles when he slowly lowered me onto my bed, guilt flooding through me as I was laid down.

I rolled onto my side distressfully, peering questioningly up at my mate where he knelt next to me.

"Sleep, yeah? I'll fix you a proper meal, wake you up when it's ready," Zayn promised quietly, fingers stroking through my hair reverently.

Nodding wearily I caught his wrist in my hand, thumb rubbing over the soft, inner skin of it in thanks, basking in the electricity that spread through me, warming my cold, damp body.

Zayn watched me intently, eyes tracking every move before he was leaning forward and his nose was pressed into the soft skin of my neck, right over my bond mark. He inhaled sharply, lips tantalizingly brushing over the column of my throat as I held perfectly still, wishing he'd bite again.

I was close to shivering as it was, hot tendrils of warmth curling in my belly, shooting up my spine, making me tingle with unexpected ecstasy.

And just as soon as it started, the sensation was gone, Zayn wrenching away with a hurtful urgency as he stood, spun on his heel, and strode quickly from the room.

Once again I was left behind.

 


	4. Chapter 4

I awoke from a fitful sleep a few hours later to find it was close to 9 p.m. along with texts from Mia asking if I was alright.

I groggily reassured my best friend that I was as fine as I could be, that I just needed to recover properly before I reluctantly left the warmth of my bed.

A distant clanking sound coming from the kitchen sent a thrill of fear racing up my spine as I stole forward, peeking around the corner.

The soft sound of Zayn's voice filtered through the running water of the sink, shocking me with it's melodic tone as he sang along to the radio. I gaped as he shimmied his hips a bit, cracking a dazzling smile at himself as he dried off another plate before setting it aside to grab another.

It was a smile that I had only seen a few times before in the privacy of Zayn's apartment. One of the ones that was hardest to bring out, when he truly couldn't contain it anymore. All of his smiles were difficult to produce yet each was just as jaw dropping as the last.

**_Oh lover, don't you dare slow down. Go longer, you can last more rounds._ **

My jaw snapped shut despite the awe that was currently overwhelming every other thought besides the sharp realization of how incredibly sexy he was.

Shirt tucked into his back pocket, tattoos on display, lean muscle flexing, regular notes swapped for complicated riffs, all of it made up the perfection that was Zayn. His mellifluous voice echoed in the small kitchen, the bright lights making his skin shine as though he really was a god.

**_I just wanna feel your hands all over me, baby._ **

**_But you can't stop there, music still playing in the background._ **

My knees buckled, head fuzzy from malnourishment, and I braced myself for the fall, hand smacking the table.

Strong arms caught me around my waist, supporting me until I was sat in a chair, ears ringing and vision impaired.

I gripped the back of the chair tightly, knuckles white as I regained my bearings, Zayn's face coming back into focus. He was just studying me, lips moving silently. Or so it seemed.

"...alright?" he inquired huskily, fingers digging pleasantly into my hips.

I nodded dazedly, giving him a weak smile, mouth too dry and head still too dizzy to give a proper answer.

He regarded me with a grim resignation, gracing me with a ghost of the smile he had revealed just moments before, "I made you something to eat."

I nodded again, unsure I would be able to do anything else as I waited patiently for him to plate a simple dish that smelled absolutely delicious.

_**Baby I'ma be your motivation.** _

I ate in silence.

Zayn watched without a word.

I finished, stuffed full after a small portion from my stomach having shrunk.

Zayn took my plate and washed it.

We stared at each other; him leaning against the sink with his arms crossed over his defined chest and me from my chair, legs more than a bit untrustworthy where Zayn was concerned.

He inched forward, slowly gliding towards me as if he were floating on a cloud, stopping just before me, crouching until we were at eye level.

I could feel my heart trying to escape the confines of my chest as images of him-naked and gorgeous, moaning in pleasure, his eyes, hard and angry-flashed through my mind.

His hand settled on my thigh, dull nails scratching over the jean clad skin as he gazed at me searchingly. What he was looking for I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I wanted him. All of him, everything I could get.

I could feel him, my heart aching for his. I wasn't sure if it was just because we had bonded, but it was certainly real. It was all I could think about right in that moment. It probably had to do with going through my heat alone, without the help of my Alpha.

Omegas could go through heat without a partner, it was quite common. Alphas would sometimes help if the Omega was brave enough to ask a friend or if they accidentally went into heat in a public place. Occasionally Omegas even went out when they knew they were going into heat purposely to find an Alpha, but it was almost as rare as Omegas themselves.

When Alphas and Omegas bonded and they were forced to go through heat or rut alone it would get agonizing to the point of needing medical attention. It happened more often than it really should, whether by accident, circumstance, or one of them rejecting the other.

It could've been a main factor in my heat coming early and being so painful, Zayn not being there. The leftover hormones from it was most likely what made it harder to combat everything that I'd felt about him. Those feelings that I had so carefully avoided, put in that box in the corners of my mind.

It used to be so different before, my thoughts of him. The way that he would invade my mundane day when I saw something that reminded me of him. Just a fleeting thought that would pass through my mind unprompted and stay lodged there until I saw him again.

But that was before. Before he assumed the worst, before he bit me and left, before he ignored me for over a month. Everything was so jumbled, a plethora of mixed signals and confusion that tainted the progress we seemed to have made tonight. It was just more avoidance, like he wasn't sure what he wanted.

Either way he didn't allow me to bathe in the natural light he emitted with his private smiles and the secret shine of love that he kept protected behind thick layers of what must have been hurt. He just shut me out, kept me at arms length and refused to talk to me, without barely a glance or thought. Even after finding out the truth he was distant, pulling away after drawing nearer. Until now.

Now he was as close as possible, inhaling sharply through his nose as if he were soaking up my scent, his hand reaching to curve around my neck, just resting there, a warm weight.

"Can I just-Please?" he requested breathily, thumb pressing into the hollow below my jaw.

Again, I nodded and the slightest of somber smiles curled the corners of his lips up. It was just a flash, a moment suspended in time before I was craning my neck to the side, closing my eyes and just letting myself feel as Zayn leant forward.

He nosed over my throat, the heat of his breath cascading across sensitive skin, causing an outbreak of goosebumps. There was a soft gasp, just the barest of sounds, that had me flinching within his hold before I'd realized it had escaped my lips.

The slight graze of fingers, just a casual touch, tracing over the scar Zayn's teeth had made left me shuddering, hand shooting out to clutch at his forearm with a startled moan.

"So responsive," he murmured reverently, ducking his head once more to bury his face in my neck, to mouth over the bond mark with increasing intensity that had me melting in his arms.

He held me firmly, catching me when I fell ungracefully off my chair, tugging until our bodies were flush together, my legs slung over his. All so he could keep scenting me, could continue to suck a dark mark into the curve of my shoulder.

"Smell so fucking good, yeah. 'S not fair innit?" Zayn growled possessively, fingers biting bruises into my hips as my own threaded into his long hair to keep him there, to cling to him with everything I had, willing him not to leave me again.

I whimpered in response, the only reply I could give as he lavished my neck with succulent kisses, burning them into my skin as he panted against it.

"Zayn," I breathed, yanking at raven locks, desperate for anything, for his love, his hands, his mouth.

He huffed a deep sigh, lips dragging over my jaw until they were hovering just a breath away from mine, mere centimeters in a seemingly perpetual tease. My breath hitched in my throat, stuttering out when I finally registered the sharp sting of his stubble having scraped against my skin. Only seconds after, it was stolen once more, sucked from my lungs as Zayn's mouth captured mine.

It was something so sweet and tender, exploring, everything our first kiss probably should've been. The soft nipping at my bottom lip encouraging and demanding all at once, infusing the peaceful moment with a new ferocity. One that left us frantically grappling with shoulders and backs, desperate to feel that much more.

It happened so quickly, the gentle kisses turning hungry and wanting. The glide of his tongue over the seam of my lips giving way to him eagerly licking inside.

Nothing was like it was before. The anger was gone, whisked away by the need that coursed through our veins, the desire that was part of being bonded.

I'd been ignoring it for as long as possible, fighting the urge to implode from the deep ache of Zayn's absence. But he was right in front of me, underneath me, teeth setting me on edge as they scraped over lower lip.

I could feel the heat slowly building between us, the rising temperature that I had dreaded throughout my heat welcome as our hips rolled together, mouths never parting.

His fingers wove their way into my hair, the other hand smoothing over my hip to my thigh, roughly hauling me closer with a near disturbing ease. I whimpered as I was ground against Zayn, lips falling open in shock before a tongue was invading my mouth, plunging inside with a feverish urgency that left me fighting for air and silently begging for more.

I was holding on by my nails as they scratched over Zayn's scalp and clawed at his naked back, feeling the corded muscles working beneath hot skin when he ran broad hands along the curves of my body.

I whined, blindly chasing after his mouth when he tore it away, my eyes fluttering open just as Zayn laved over the healed bite mark on my neck, sending me careening towards the edge from just his touch.

I was so drunk off of his mouth, the way that he bit and sucked and licked at my neck, and his hands as they roamed freely but knowingly.

He found every spot that forced a moan to spill into his mouth, greedily swallowing every sound when it did. It had my head spinning, left me dizzy with need.

"Please," I murmured against his lips, mouths brushing softly.

Zayn pulled back, soulful eyes consumed with lust, softening just the slightest, "What, love?"

"Just, please," I whispered, shakily tracing over the collarbones that seemed to be cut from perfection.

He nodded, nuzzling into my chest, nose dragging over the top of one breast, his breath fanning over the other and soaking through my shirt. I shuddered, squirming in his hold as I clutched tighter to him, hips jerking forward.

A high whine ripped from my throat, the one specific to each Omega and their mate, the one that had a primitive growl ripping from Zayn's throat. It left me pinned to the floor, fingers entwined and narrow hips wedging between my thighs within the next labored breath.

"Fuck, can't stand when you do shit like that. Drives me mad," Zayn breathed hotly in my ear, lips grazing the lobe.

I wriggled beneath him, pressing as close to him as possible, speaking as our mouths brushed " ** _You_** drive me mad."

He chuckled darkly, sucking harshly at my lower lip, teeth toeing the line of pain as they sunk into the plumpness of it. We ground together, slowly, sharp, aborted thrusts that had Zayn's breath going even more ragged, puffing out over my neck and making me gasp.

"Christ," Zayn groaned, thumb smearing over my mouth and reddening my already bruised lips, jolting abruptly away when there was a knock at the front door.

"Trigger? You alright? I brought your favorite," Mia called, voice slightly muffled as she tapped once more.

She must've already tried the knob, finding it locked for once. Zayn had apparently flipped the deadbolt, something I almost never did in case of one of Mia's impromptu visits.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Zayn swore, scrambling away from me with surprising agility and speed, wiping his mouth.

I flinched when he did, eyes tracking the way he angrily rubbed at it for a moment as I sat on the kitchen floor, the cold of the tiles seeping through my clothes now that Zayn's warmth had abandoned me. Just as he had. Again.

Another insistent knock.

"Buggering fuck," Zayn cursed once more, tripping as he hopped on one foot, then the other trying to yank his combat boots on before struggling into his shirt.

"Right," I muttered, slowly standing, body syrupy slow just as Zayn's voice was sometimes, feeling utterly foreign without him.

"Just a minute," I shouted, voice cracking harshly as it forced words from my throat and I avoided glancing at Zayn.

I woodenly crossed the small apartment to the door, stiff fingers reluctantly turning the lock and gripping the door knob, turning it with bated breath.

I was met with a beaming smile but a brow furrowed in concern as Mia's dark hair shimmered in the normally unflattering light of the hall.

"Hey, love, have you eaten yet? You look poorly," she frowned, eyes roving over me.

I nodded numbly, stepping aside to let her in.

"Well I've brought you a bit of chocolate cake with that chocolate buttercream frosting you love so much," Mia grinned pleasantly, shrugging out of the heavy peacoat she had on.

She paused, eyebrow quirking when she saw Zayn, a bright smile spreading.

"Oh, um, Zayn cooked me some pasta after I took a nap," I explained casually, quietly shutting the door and leaning against it.

"You're the best," Mia giggled, setting the slice of cake aside and wrapping her arms around Zayn's neck, pulling him into a hug.

I watched silently, grateful that she didn't suspect anything more than what I'd told her. She had no reason to, not really, and I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty because if our positions were reversed Mia wouldn't either.

Zayn was my mate, and they weren't even officially together, just dating. Besides, he didn't want me, he wanted her. Everyone always wanted her. She was the beautiful Beta, the outgoing, effervescent girl that captured everybody's attention.

I was no one. Invisible due to my status and my natural impulse to not draw attention to myself. I was an introvert, preferring the peace of my apartment, and too mouthy for those brutish Alphas that prowled bars in search of a quick fuck when I did happen to emerge from my haven.

"Just wanted to make sure she was alright, like. Was the least I could do," Zayn replied softly, guarded expression smoothed into one of content.

Mia leaned up, whispering in his ear, that unfairly gorgeous grin that so rarely graced his features stretching across his face.

I cleared my throat, waiting until they had turned their attention to me, "Thanks for everything Zayn, and thanks for the cake, babe, but I really am tired."

"Okay, get some rest, then, I'll see you tomorrow," Mia said more to Zayn than me, their fingers tangled together as she pecked me on the forehead and led Zayn from my apartment.

I wondered if she would be able to taste me on his lips, if we'd kissed long enough for Zayn's taste to have changed, mingling with mine on his tongue. I hoped so.


	5. Chapter 5

"How're you feeling?" Mia asked, taking in the dark circles under my eyes and the messy bun my black waves had been tied in.

"Fine, just tired," I mumbled, discourse buzzing beneath my skin as lied, settling next to her in the straight backed choir chair.

"Me too, was up quite late last night with Zayn," she smirked, blue eyes sparkling beneath harsh fluorescent lights.

"Have fun?" I guessed, inwardly cringing as I waited for her no doubt graphic answer, absently wondering if the blue of my eyes ever glittered excitedly.

"Tons. Forgot how big Alphas could be though," Mia gushed unwittingly, lightly touching my thigh as she leaned in to reveal her "secret".

I discreetly shifted until she was no longer resting her hand on my leg, annoyed at the casualness of it. She was always doing that, with everyone she was the least bit close to, like it was important that we hang on every word she said and be just as thrilled about it as she was. It had more to do with her natural flirtiness, the way she always seemed to be working a crowd for their undivided attention.

A sharp spike of despair rattled through me as Mia turned back to her music, focusing on the notes as our teacher commanded the sopranos to sing. I stared blankly at my own lyrics, lips moving automatically along, eyes scanning the page to know when to turn it.

The images I was bombarded with had me swaying a bit in my seat before I steadied myself. I swear I could nearly smell the burning of my eyeballs in my skull as the thought of my best friend and mate together was branded into my eyelids, haunting me every time I blinked.

Was she better in bed than I was? Of course she was, she had more experience than I did. Did she feel better? Was her skin smoother? Was she firmer in all the right places where I lacked definition? Probably, why else would he have chosen her over me?

I resisted the urge to grumble, to do anything other than just let the thoughts run their course. I wasn't strong enough to deal with all that crap at the moment. I was exhausted and vulnerable, and so fucking confused about what the hell Zayn was playing at.

Tomorrow had to be better, when I had rested more and could begin trying to forget everything Mia had said. When I could try and let go of all the perplexing feelings and throw off the spell Zayn had me under.

I just had to hold out until we could break the bond. If he would talk to me.

 

"So she shagged him?" Liam inquired, thick brows drawing together.

I nodded miserably, watching the flash of outrage in Niall's eyes as he clung tightly to his own mate.

"Fucking hell, I always knew she was a slag," Niall huffed, fingers digging into Liam's thigh.

"She didn't know, love," Liam soothed.

"Don't bloody care, though, do I? She shouldn't be bragging about it to Trigger if she thinks that she just got rejected by her mate!" Niall fumed, blue eyes icy and hard as he snuggled closer to Liam.

The Alpha wrapped a protective arm around the angry boy, pressing his lips to his temple, "She's always been like that, yeah? Rather insensitive, that one."

"Still," Niall argued, just for the sake of it.

"I just, I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to be dependent on him, and wanting to see him all the time. I didn't sign up for this, it wasn't supposed to happen," I sighed, picking at my food with no real aim of eating it.

It was just a salad, greens that should be vibrant rather lacking in anything other than looking limp and dull, heavy as my heart in my chest when I stabbed them with my fork.

Liam was studying me intently as Niall sighed and plucked my unoccupied hand from the table, fingers curling around my own in a silent sympathy.

"When I woke up that morning, after my heat broke, I just laid there and thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad, belonging to someone. Now I just want it done. I don't want to feel like part of me is missing when he had no problem confusing the fuck out of me. I want to break the bond so maybe someday I'll be able to find an Alpha that actually wants me," I confessed, a small smile quirking the corners of my lips at the loving look that Liam and Niall shared.

"It'll all work out love and maybe even with Zayn, yeah?" Liam assured me with a beaming smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes.

"He doesn't date Omegas," I told him, shaking my head dejectedly.

Niall's grip tightened but neither said another word to encourage my hopes.

 

Over the next week or so Liam and Niall were dropping by every day, checking in and lazing about in my apartment. It wasn't that I minded, I loved their company, Niall's easy and contagious smile, Liam's calming and comforting presence. I reveled in the way they enveloped me in their love. Just- The undercurrent of concern and sympathy was glaring, settling deep in my bones.

I more than appreciated their efforts but it didn't help me forget or move on. They left me stagnant, constantly reminded of the reason they were there, unable to take my mind off of Zayn as we chattered away.

It left me even more lost, stumbling around in my own mind as I tried to sort myself out. The urgency to break the bond only grew with my feelings and with decreasing visits from Mia.

Every time she found another boy to play with, to fawn over and fall into, she neglected to pay as much attention to me. I didn't mind, it wasn't something that negatively impacted our relationship or resulted in me resenting her.

Mia was the best friend anyone could ever ask for, had seen me through more dark times than I could count. She came over when I was in the throes of heat, brought me food, made sure I drank enough water and helped me into the shower. Mia was a part of everything in my life as far back as I could remember, always there just as I was for her.

It wasn't necessarily her not hanging out with me that dug under my skin as though it were a needle slipping just beneath the surface. No, it was why she was gone that bothered me, that had me bristling and wishing I was in her place. If only it weren't Zayn.

Zayn with his infuriating tendencies, those golden eyes and sharp mind. Zayn with the tattoos and the affinity for comic books, his passion for art and the gentle murmur of his faith emerging at the most unexpected times. Zayn who managed to make the duller days brim with life with just the slightest quirk of his lips or the ridiculous giggle that startled anyone into silence just so they could hear the shocking sound escape the Alpha's mesmerizing mouth.

I needed him out of my head, sick of the loneliness that shot through me because of his absence, tired of feeling weak, a slave to the emotions I'd kept locked up for so long. I was going to do something about it whether he wanted to talk about it or not. He couldn't avoid me forever, I knew where he lived, it was just a matter of working up the courage to barge into an apartment that was treated as though it were sacred ground.

 

"Just do it," I whispered anxiously, butterflies having erupted as soon as I'd made up my mind.

My fist was raised, poised to knock on the unassuming beige door as my heart thundered in my chest, blooding rushing through my ears with a deafening roar. I exhaled shakily, eyes sealing shut until I counted three seconds.

Lids snapping open, my knuckles rapped on the solid surface immediately smarting at the accidental force of it.

I breathed evenly, waiting for Zayn to answer. **_In. Out._**

I knew he was home, was texting Mia to make sure they weren't together when she told me that he'd had to finish some art project.

I could hear the faint sound of footsteps, muted behind the barrier between us as I fidgeted restlessly. They neared closer, the sound of the lock shifting, flicking open after a pause.

**_In. Out._ **

Familiar eyes met mine, smoldering in a shade that I'd never quite encountered before, blown wide as long fingers curled around the edge of the door.

I caught a peak of bare skin, just a flash of a muscled chest and a hardened nipple before Zayn shifted a bit behind the door as if it were a shield, his other arm stretching to prop him up, dark ink splashing over smooth skin.

**_In. Out._ **

"What?" he demanded harshly.

I had forgotten how to words. Couldn't string together anything that resembled a sentence, breath catching in my throat as I breathed in the scent of an Alpha on the brink of rut.

"Uh-Um- the bond- break- we should- yeah," I stuttered out, throwing off the hormones assaulting me.

"Fuck- just- just leave- can't right now," Zayn snapped, hands clenching, muscles flexing and tendons jumping out of his arm as he shuddered, gritting his teeth together.

"Zayn," I began, reaching to touch his fingers, to just comfort him, to help in any way.

He jerked away, retreating further into his apartment.

"Trigger, get- leave. Don't- you've never been with an Alpha rut, yeah?" he guessed, inhaling sharply, eyes squeezed shut.

I shook my head, "No."

"Then leave, just go home. Christ, just fucking go!" he barked, slamming the door in my face.

I jolted out of my daze, feet finally unsticking from the ground as I sprinted back to my own home, desperate to forget the need written all over his face, the frenzy of lust descending upon my mate.

My body was shouting at me to go back and help, to let my Alpha use me, to rescue him from what I knew was going to be intense pain. But the smaller, wiser part of me forced me to stay put, to resist the magnetic pull as a form of self preservation.

I sunk down on the couch, burying my face in the pillow as I screamed into the plushness of it until my throat was raw and I didn't feel like I was going to fly apart anymore.

 

It wasn't until I woke up hours later with tears streaming down my cheeks and sweat soaking through my clothes that I realized I had fallen asleep curled up in a ball in my living room. I tossed aside the pillow I'd been clutching to my chest and wiped away the wetness, groggily sitting up.

I fumbled with my phone, dialing Niall's number.

"Trigger? Are you alright?" was the answer, panic evident in Niall's voice.

"Fine. I'm fine, Niall, just wanted to see if you or Li could come over please?" I requested croakily, throat sore and constricted from the crying.

"We'll be there soon," Niall reassured me, the sound of Liam's rumbling voice in the background.

I nodded, not even bothering to properly say goodbye before I hung up, heading for a cold shower to wash away the sticky sweat and to banish all thoughts of Zayn.

It didn't take long for Liam and Niall to show up, letting themselves in so they were waiting for me in the living room when I was finished with my shower.

I slumped in between them, staring mindlessly at whatever they had playing on TV, melting into their comfort as Niall curled around me and Liam threw a well muscled arm over the both of us.

"He's in rut," I murmured into Niall's soft hair, the blonde tips tickling my nose.

His fingers, roughened from playing the guitar so often, slid underneath the back of my shirt, his hand warm on my lower back encouraging me to continue.

But there was nothing else to say, nothing that could effectively capture the longing that I felt, the need that filled me as pangs of the frantic agony Zayn felt transferred to me in strong, sporadic pulses.

So we just stayed there, watching trashy shows until we all drifted off.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this chapter, or where this story is going, but here it is.

I yawned as I woke up, stretching underneath the arm Niall had carelessly thrown over my waist, attempting to wriggle impossibly closer as Liam cooed at us.

"My little Omegas, so bleedin' cute," he whispered, peppering Niall's face and neck with feather light kisses, rubbing a broad hand over my back.

I groaned, rolling away from him and out of Niall's grip, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as the blonde snuffled and curled tighter into himself, wrapping Liam's arm around his tummy.

I basked in the weak rays of sunlight streaking through the window, illuminating the faces of my friends as Liam coaxed his mate awake with tender touches and soft kisses. I watched them blearily, smile twitching the corners of my lips up, just a bit of jealousy sparking through me.

"We've got to get going, you think you're going to be okay?" Liam asked, sighing as he gave in and scooped Niall up when he refused to open his eyes.

I nodded, thanking them as Liam carried his Omega from my room.

I waited until I heard the door shut before I punched the pillow Niall had been using into the right shape, shoving it under my head and closing my eyes against the offending light.

 

It was another three days before Zayn's rut stopped, random bouts of strong desire tapering off until they were just weak sensations, fading completely. I was in the middle of class when I felt the relief and the bone deep exhaustion that had become a part of me during my heat and the week or so following.

I counted the seconds until the bell rang, when I could be free of school. Without even realizing what I was doing, I slipped behind the wheel of my car, blowing off my last class to drive towards the closest grocery store.

I wandered up and down the aisles aimlessly, dropping things into my cart when I happened upon them before taking them up to the register.

It wasn't until I was outside of Zayn's apartment that the nerves really set in as I thought about what I was about to do. I hesitantly stretched for the top of the door frame, blindly feeling for the key I knew was there before my fingers connected with cold metal.

I wiped my hand on my jeans, dust and sweat mixing on the material, as I shifted from foot to foot. Inserting the key into the lock, I turned it one way then the next, waiting for that telltale click that told me it was open.

Of course it was a bit creepy, just sneaking into someone's home unannounced and uninvited but before everything, Zayn hadn't minded. He'd been the one to show me where the key was, encouraged me to use it on numerous occasions.

There had been more than a few instances where he had come home to find me sprawled on his couch, takeout and history worksheets spread in front of me while I flicked through TV channels. He just smiled, the private, fond one of his, and joined me.

Now there was apprehension in my every move as I shut the door behind me, locking it, and ignoring the living room in favor of Zayn's bedroom. The air was rich with the stale stench of a rut already passed, the pungent smell growing stronger with each step I took.

The rustle of the plastic grocery bags and my own shallow breathing was all that I could hear as my heart pounded and I got closer to the bedroom door. I pushed it open to find Zayn in bed, chest rising and falling with his soft, even breaths, sheets low on his narrow hips.

My throat constricted, as I paused, taking in the beauty of his naked form, the expanse of his bare, tanned skin covered in tattoos. I quietly shut the door behind me, picking my way through the disaster area that was Zayn's room, eyes drifting over the destruction he'd caused while he was deep in rut.

There were things thrown across the room, clothes strewn everywhere and curtains hanging slightly askew. I tripped over a shoe, catching myself on the desk and the edge of Zayn's bed, bags almost flying from my hands. I relaxed the tension in my arms, carefully lowering myself to the ground, carpet smooth against the fabric of my jeans.

Shaking the bag handles off my wrists, I slowly crept forward until I was near Zayn's head, unsure how I should wake him up when I doubted he even wanted to be touched.

Hand trembling I gently prodded his shoulder, knowing that it would take a lot more to wake him but hoping that for once Zayn wasn't dead to the world. A quiet sigh was my only response.

Unable to resist I crowded closer, overwhelmed with his scent as I spread my fingers out along his bicep, feeling the muscle twitch beneath when I shook him a bit harder. A low grumble escaped his parted lips as he leaned into the touch, face smushed into the pillow.

"Zayn," I whispered, hand skimming over heated skin to his stubble covered jaw, delicately thumbing over it.

He snuffled stuffing his head further into the pillow before he finally peeked at me, eyes a bit crusty in the corners.

Zayn slumped defeatedly back onto his bed, any stiffness melting away as he settled under my gaze, rubbing his cheek over the nearly flattened pillow, staring unabashedly.

"Gonna give us a cuddle then?" he rasped, voice gravelly, no doubt due to crying out more often than not from the pain.

I blinked at him wide eyed, startled by his question and frozen to the spot, wanting nothing more than to climb into bed with him but terrified of the possible consequences.

"Just- just for a bit," Zayn implored hoarsely, weakly lifting the bed sheet, the shadows preventing me from seeing anything other than the sharp cut of his hip bones and perfectly etched v-lines.

I nodded mutely, shrugging out of my pea coat and kicking off my shoes and socks, leaving my jeans even though I knew they'd be uncomfortable after a while. I slid under the thin cover, lying rigidly next to him, careful not to touch.

Zayn huffed eyes drooping a bit as he threw an arm around my waist, half heartedly tugging me closer until I finally moved, scooting into his space. A strong hand skimmed over my body, grabbing onto the back of my thigh, just below my butt as he pulled it over his hip.

A whoosh of breath left my lungs as I gave in to temptation, arm going around his neck and leg tightening until we were flush together. Zayn buried his face in my hair, raw and bitten mouth pressing against my neck and scruff scraping over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, lips grazing over my throat in a way that caused goosebumps to erupt.

"For what?" I asked, staring at a spot on the wall.

"Everything. For blaming you, ignoring you, being a right prick, take your pick," Zayn murmured, nuzzling further into me then dragging his scratchy cheek over mine so he could fix me with a molten gaze.

"For making you go through your heat alone, wouldn't have if I knew," he added, thumb brushing over my jaw.

"It's fine," I assured him softly, fingers threading soothingly through the short hair at the nape of his neck.

He snorted, giving me a lazy eye roll.

"Yeah, I know, it isn't fine, I just meant that it will be. It'll be okay, Zayn," I replied quietly, fiercely.

It would be. Everything would be alright. If he would just stop being so frustrating and listen to me then it we would be fine.

He nodded, forehead dropping to rest on mine, breaths mingling as his evened out again. I sighed, tucking my hands against my chest and just let him hold me in his sleep, letting myself enjoy the moment while I still could.

 

"Fuck," Zayn gasped, jerking me from my light doze as he jolted away.

I groaned, begrudgingly opening my eyes to find his narrowed, roaming over me critically.

"Your mood swings are gonna give me whiplash," I snapped before he could say anything, glaring expectantly.

"Didn't know if I hurt you or not. Fucking hell, was making sure that I didn't. Must be mad coming here during my rut," he grunted, roughly raking his fingers through his mussed hair.

"We both know it was over with," I argued, stretching casually, refusing to let him get to me.

"You're my mate, Trigger, being without you for that long- we don't know what I could've done," Zayn pointed out gravely.

I quirked an eyebrow, tamping down the rush of pleasure he had caused with a few simple words.

"Other than snore me to death, not much," I bit out with no real heat.

The corners of his lips tipped up in a wry smile, "Don't do it again, yeah?"

"You're so effing confusing, you know that?" I inquired, bending to grab one of the bags I brought and handing it to Zayn.

He rummaged through it, gratefully cracking open a Gatorade, chugging the entire thing and watching me the entire time.

I scoffed, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and picking my way back to the door, stopping as I opened it, "I would've helped you, y'know. If you had asked."

I peered over my shoulder. Zayn's eyes were downcast as if he were studying the contents of the bag but I knew he had heard me.

"I know," he replied finally, just as quiet as I was.

"Then why didn't you?" I asked, voice hushed.

There was no answer. He remained silent, staring down at his lap, back curved where he leaned against the wall as he fiddled with the bed sheets.

I shook my head as I left, mind racing with so many unanswered questions, and hope blooming in my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might be a little late because I'm trying to work out the kinks in it. I'm trying to avoid an overwhelming amount of cheesiness, though there is a big chance I won't succeed. Either way, I'm going to be working on it until I'm relatively happy with how it turns out and I will try to get it posted by a week from today (:


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long, especially since it isn't that great. But I think this'll work for where I want things to kind of go as muddled as that is. So, hope you like it!

It was late, darkness shrouded my apartment, the only light coming from the glow of the TV and the warm yellowness of the kitchen light.

I was bundled up on the couch with blankets wrapped around me protectively, sealing out the cool air, bare legs folded beneath me as I breathed in the comforting smells of my home and my friends. It'd been a few hours since they'd been there but their scents still hung in the air, wavering for a moment until they were back full force as if Niall or Liam were sitting right next to me.

The knock was gentle, permeating the benevolent atmosphere and infusing it with something much more ominous as I got up to answer it after pausing to listen. I padded through the chilly room, feet dragging along the carpet, shivering as the air conditioning hit my overly exposed skin.

I heard a key turn in the lock and froze, hand hovering over the knob, heart nearly giving out until Zayn's familiar face was revealed. Just for a moment, time was suspended but then his eyes flashed, turning harsh and demanding as his jaw clenched, the tendon jumping out and everything came crashing down again.

A rumbling built in his chest as he pushed me back, an iron grip on my hip, the other slamming the door behind him, until I was pressed against the wall opposite the door. He pinned me there with a biting force, gaze simmering with rage.

"Everything bloody reeks of him," Zayn rasped, jerking forward until we were flush together.

My eyes fluttered shut at the closeness, the feeling of him warm and solid against me, and the way his fingers were gently trailing over my throat.

"Who?" I breathed, lids heavy when they finally opened.

"Your new Alpha. Already found a replacement have you? Just kept me around until you found someone better?" Zayn sneered, face inching towards me until it was buried in my neck.

His scruff scratched over my sensitive skin as he scented me, sending a cascade of shivers down my spine, my knees going a bit weak, even as a flare of indignation sparked through me at his words.

"You're the one screwing my best friend," I accused steadily, trying to calm my quaking nerves.

"What're you on about?" he inquired, disbelief coloring his tone as he drew back enough to fix me with an intense stare, cradling my cheek in his hand.

"Mia," I answered promptly, head tilting back just a fraction.

"Haven't shagged her, have barely seen her since the other night," Zayn promised, thumbing over my jaw line and leaning closer with a half hearted growl.

I whined, wriggling in his hold and feeling the way he shuddered in response, how it rippled through his body.

"Fuck, bet he goes mad when you do that. Just like me, yeah? Use it to lure him in?" he chuckled darkly, fingers playing with the hem of my shirt before dipping under and connecting hotly with my clenching stomach.

I shook my head frantically as his hand smoothed over bare skin to my lower back, finger tips slipping beneath my waistband ever so slightly, "He's mated. Liam, he's Niall's Alpha, they help when you're not here."

I watched the recognition of a somewhat different smell than he had initially registered flit across Zayn's face, jaw slackening and grip loosening before he rocked back on his heels, raking his fingers through his hair and scrubbing over rough stubble.

"Yeah, that makes sense, like. Why it smelled a bit off," he murmured, forehead coming to rest against mine, defeated.

I sighed, sagging a bit, shoulders hunching at the sudden change in demeanor, "What do you want, Zayn?"

"I don't even know anymore," he replied wearily, hot breath puffing out over my lips as I pulled back enough to really look at him.

It was then I noticed how tired he looked, taking in the deep purple bruise like bags under ever sharp eyes and the greater prominence of his cheekbones from not being properly fed. I yearned to look after him as he had for me- if he had truly been there-, more than just bringing him every snack food I remembered him liking from the store on my way home.

"Very enlightening," I snorted.

"Christ, what do **_you_** want?" he demanded.

I stared at him defiantly for a moment, searching for the right words, "I want you to talk to me. To stop pushing me away like you always do. I don't know what you expect. For me to leave? Because I'm still here. I've been here this entire time even though you abandoned me and treated me like dirt when I didn't deserve it. I'm still here and I'm still waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and stop being so stubborn."

He huffed out a nearly silent breath, "You really shouldn't. I've heard I'm quite dense."

"Yeah well, like it or not, we're bonded. You're my Alpha," I reminded him lamely, the fingers grazing over my bare thigh grounding me just a bit with a blaze of fire.

"I'm your Alpha," Zayn repeated quietly, reverent.

"Yeah," I whispered, tense and more than a bit wary.

He smiled, one of his private, overwhelming ones that managed to wipe out every other smile I had seen him give. It was one of quiet adoration that reflected everything I'd hoped for, something I never thought I'd get to see even when I'd glimpsed echoes of it before the entire mess we'd gotten ourselves into.

"Still absolutely drenched in his scent," Zayn admonished, dull nails dragging along the nape of my neck as his thumb hooked underneath my jaw.

"Might be wearing his shirt," I admitted as Zayn tipped my chin up just enough to brush his lips over mine, testing, curious, downright teasing in nature.

Sparks erupted beneath my skin, catching alight at the firmer pressure of his mouth against mine and fizzling out when he pulled away to gift a different smile, one of fond amusement.

"Shame, that," Zayn chuckled, fingers tugging at the hem, peeling the fabric from my body until it was able to be tossed aside, landing on the floor with a soft flutter.

He grinned wolfishly, teeth tugging at my lower lip as his hands skimmed over my body, roughly hiking a leg over his narrow hip as he pressed closer. He licked hotly into my mouth, tongue tangling with mine, scruff tickling over my face, rubbing the skin raw.

"Zayn," I protested faintly, losing myself in the way he swallowed every tiny whimper and moan with a greedy insistence as hot fingers wiggled underneath the elastic of my underwear, pressing into the curve of my butt.

"Mmph," he grunted inquiringly, muffled against the hot press of my lips on his and the gasp elicited from the dirty grind of his hips.

"Stop," I breathed, more for my sanity than anything.

There was too much to sort out, things that couldn't be ignored despite the screaming of my body to do so.

I almost broke when he smeared one last kiss to my lips before he opened his eyes, soft and inviting, letting my leg drop to shakily hold me up.

I was sticking to the wall, a light sheen of sweat having already developed, Zayn still so very, very near. He peered at me wonderingly, gently thumbing over the underside of my chin and then my jaw, small flames licking at my skin.

"Why did you bite me?" I asked finally, timidly, wishing that I could take the words back as soon as I spoke them because that was Zayn's cue to run away, just like he always did.

His eyes fell to my neck, hand lifting so the pads of his fingers could trace over the scar there as they had done so many times before. I shivered, twitching a bit in response.

"I couldn't help it," Zayn replied, gaze still glued to where his fingers were forcing a shower of pleasure to thrum through my veins.

"You said that," I recalled, swallowing hard, trying to regain my bearings, to focus long enough to have a conversation.

"But why? Why couldn't you help it?" I persisted, grabbing at his wrist, holding it tightly to make him stop.

He looked at me sharply in reprimand, removing himself from my grip before taking my hand, studying it as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.

And maybe it was, maybe it's what prompted the one sentence that had the potential to change my entire life. A sentence that was spoken against the bumps of my knuckles, plush lips that I felt like I knew better than my own dragging along them.

"Because I need you. I need you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, this story....it's a pain in the ass but it's fun to write and I haven't given up yet. Patience is a virtue, one I do not possess, but I hope you guys will have some with me. Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I suck. I completely forgot to update last week. Mostly because I wasn't even near done with this chapter. But I've gotten it done now, so here it is. I don't know how good it is, but I hope you like it! (:

My heart stuttered and my breath caught in my throat as Zayn's words sunk in, seeped beneath my skin before ricocheting through my body like an over zealous bullet desperate to escape.

There were so many ways to react, so may questions racing through my mind that I could hardly settle on one as he continued to stare at me, so fucking close.

"You have a funny way of showing it," I blurted, the words clawing their way from my throat as I scrambled to stop them, eyes widening in shock.

Zayn chuckled sardonically, "You think it's so easy, that everything is simple, yeah? 'S not though, like. Hard for me, innit? Letting you in, adjusting to the fact that I've mated with a fucking Omega when I never planned on it, not after what happened before."

He dropped my hand, propping himself up against the wall with a broad palm planted next to my head as he leaned closer, "I'm trying, Trigger. My brain is telling me to get the hell away from you but I can't very well do that when every other part is rebelling and telling me to stay. I want to stay with you. I want you."

I nodded mutely, about two seconds from losing it as I gaped at my Alpha, the man that had caused me so much pain and confusion in the last few months.

"You're going to kill me," I finally breathed.

"Think that might go both ways, love," Zayn laughed huskily, dipping down to capture my lips with his in a devastatingly sweet kiss.

His mouth was tentative, searching, tongue sweeping over my lower lip in a request for entrance. It was a kiss unlike any others we'd shared before. It lacked the urgency but was charged with passion that rivaled that of the soap stars you see on crappy day time TV.

I lost myself in the soft glide of Zayn's tongue over mine and the gentle teasing of his teeth when they nipped at me out of nowhere. I shuddered when his thumbs dug in just above my hip bones and his fingers splayed over my lower back as he kissed down my neck, sucking harshly at the bond mark.

My legs trembled, a broken moan falling from my lips, before Zayn slowly got on his knees, thumbs hooking onto my underwear, snapping it against my skin. I jumped, as I gazed down at him curiously, waiting for his next move, fingers tangling into his thick hair and scratching over his scalp.

He tugged at my waistband again, a question, as he looked up at me from underneath the lush fringe of his lashes, lips dragging over my stomach leaving goosebumps to spread in their wake. I grappled with his clothed shoulder, balling his shirt in my fist and yanking on it, wanting it off.

I felt so exposed, being almost naked when Zayn was clad in a ridiculously hot outfit that I just wished would vanish. He grinned, tongue flicking out, hot breath fanning over my flushed skin as he moved lower, pressing his lips against me through my underwear before he practically jerked back, tearing his shirt over his head.

I inhaled harshly at the expanse of unblemished skin, smoothly stretching over lean muscle, splashes of black and color contrasting starkly. I nearly fell to my knees, wanting to touch him, to taste him, anything but Zayn zeroed in on his original task, finally dragging my underwear down my legs. I kicked the cumbersome material aside as Zayn gracefully stood, fingers trailing over heated skin.

One hand wound around my back as his mouth enveloped mine, two fingers making quick work of my bra clasp, his free hand tearing it off my arms.

"Show off," I giggled against his lips, palms flattening over his defined chest, trailing downward over the expanse of his torso to his jeans.

Zayn cupped my breast, thumbing over a hardened nipple, as he ducked down to suck a bruise into my collarbone, chuckling wetly, "Just wanted to see you, yeah?"

I grabbed onto his belt to anchor myself for a moment as he mouthed along the column of my throat before eagerly getting it undone and unzipping his pants.

Laughing into each other mouths, Zayn shimmied a bit as I pushed his ridiculously tight jeans off, very nearly toppling over in the process. He caught me, steadying me and bringing me flush against him as he quickly shed his briefs, cock slapping up between us.

I had forgotten how big he was, how positively intimidating his dick seemed, thick and hard, wet at the tip. My thoughts of how he was going to possibly fit inside me were lost in a gasp at the gentle press of Zayn's fingers on my clit, circling teasingly.

I could feel his satisfied smirk on my neck, where he was licking over the bond mark, tongue cleverly drawing patterns. I clung to Zayn, muscles tensing, pulling taut under the unwavering pressure of his fingers as my head dropped back to smack the wall.

The sharp abruptness of the pain countered the nearly overwhelming pleasure for a few seconds before Zayn was laughing again, smilingly biting at my lips. He was so incredibly good, just amazing, fingers quick and effective as he fucked his tongue into my mouth and rut against my trembling thigh.

"Want you to come for me," Zayn murmured, lips mouthing over my jaw and teeth nipping at my ear lobe as he redoubled his efforts, one finger slipping inside of me, curling against my walls.

I whimpered, clutching at his shoulders, "Zayn, please."

"Fuck, baby, can't wait to split you open on my cock," He groaned, hot breath fanning over the delicate skin under my ear just before he kissed it.

Words bled into skin as he kept going, whispering every dirty thought that flitted through his mind as he plastered himself to me, mouth skimming across my collarbones. I whined, unable to contain the needy tone of it, elciting a visceral growl from Zayn before he bit into my neck as he had done the night he bonded us, digging in and making me come instantaneously.

My world was white, consumed with bright specks bursting with yellow as I shuddered through an orgasm. I faintly registered Zayn grinding into me, cock replacing his fingers, rubbing against me and the head snubbing over my clit. I collapsed into him, trusting him to carry my weight as I came down, playing with the soft wisps of hair curling a bit at the nape of his neck.

"You're so good, such a good little Omega for me, love," Zayn praised quietly, hands smoothing over my back soothingly.

I sighed, sucking a kiss to his chest, right beside the lips inked in the middle, "Want you."

"Yeah," he breathed, knees bending as his hands fell to the backs of my thighs before he was lifting me, hoisting me up and wedging his hips between my open legs.

I sucked in a breath, waiting, meeting Zayn's eyes as they bore into my own, asking permission as he lined his cock up with my entrance, teasing as well as questioning.

I nodded as our mouths crashed together, and Zayn pushed in, squeezing the head inside as I sucked on his tongue. I was completely wrapped around him, encompassed by his body, loving the weight of him holding me against the wall as he bottomed out, breath being stolen from my lungs with one simple act.

He paused, burying his face in my neck, just scenting me, nosing into my tangled hair, "I love you."

My heart stopped, any hope of regaining my breath vanishing within the intensity swirling in the air.

Any answer was cut off by the dragging of his cock, bare and throbbing over my walls as he pulled out before plunging back in. Slow and precise, every thrust hitting my spot, left me moaning, eyes clenching shut and nails scratching harshly across Zayn's back as I tried desperately to hold on.

"Zayn, fuck, I-" demanding lips ravaged mine as Zayn's hips snapped, his pace quickening until the slap of skin was cracking through the air, a steady rhythm rivaling that of my jumping pulse.

I could feel him so deep inside, thick and hot, the ridge of his head catching on my spot and it had me keening high in the back of my throat, so fucking close.

"Love you, Zayn," I managed to get out, bouncing on my Alpha's cock, chasing another high, arching into his chest.

He curved around me, hunching protectively as he fucked into me harder, "Christ, you feel so amazing, like. Proper perfect, like you were made for my cock. Made for **_me_** , yeah? **_Mine_**."

"Yours," I agreed dazedly, Zayn slamming into me one last time before I was sent into bliss again, clenching down and crying out.

"Mine," Zayn repeated once more, cock jerking and spilling hotly as he buried himself inside me, knot popping and locking us together.

We slowly slid down the wall, spaced out and still riding an impossible high as Zayn ducked down to suck a breast into his mouth, prolonging the pleasure and leaving a mark behind.

I ended up in Zayn's lap, cock nestled inside me as we waited for his knot to go down, his fingers carding through my hair as I nuzzled into him. I draped myself over him, letting him wrap me up in his arms as his cock shifted inside me, his lips pressing into my shoulder.

Everything had become so much more complicated, tangled up in each other as we were, but we would figure it out. We had to, because we belonged together. That much had to be true, regardless of the bond, I wanted Zayn, needed him in my life, just as I always knew I did. We were bound. One way or another, we were connected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll update again. I will be even busier than usual for a little while. Thank you all for your patience! I love and appreciate you all!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of crap, but it does explain some things.

"Zayn?" I asked, squeezing my pillow tighter.

He hummed questioningly, draping half of his body over mine, pressing his lips to my shoulder. I shivered, goosebumps spreading at the heat of his bare skin flush against mine.

"What did you mean when you said 'not after what happened before'?" I inquired, turning my head, cheek brushing over the soft pillowcase.

I could feel Zayn's rib cage expanding, sucking in a sharp breath that blew hotly over the back of my neck with a whoosh of collapsing lungs. I twisted around, Zayn sliding off so I could face him properly, the arm around my waist tugging me closer.

A rough hand smoothed over my back, stopping to rest just as it curved, fingers splaying over it and digging in. There was a long moment of silence as Zayn's eyes pierced mine searchingly, for what I couldn't be sure of, but I waited with bated breath.

"There was this girl, Perrie," he started finally, voice low and syrupy, raspy from the cigarette he'd smoked earlier.

"We, grew up together, like. When we presented and she ended up being an Omega, I thought that we were destined or something. We started dating and fell in love and that, but something always seemed off," Zayn sighed, mouth in a grim line.

"There was always this feeling like it wasn't going to last. It was a massive whirlwind, just jumping from best mates to lovers and potential bond mates. I loved her so much, and we planned on bonding when she went into her first heat, but when she did, just like. We were so young and I didn't do it, couldn't, actually."

"It took a few years of helping each other through heat and rut, but never bonding. I thought we were alright, that we just hadn't gotten to it because we were practically kids. She came over one night and she smelled like my mate. His scent was all over her, like she'd bathed in it. Broke my heart, that. Realizing she was cheating on me with one of our mates and didn't even bother hiding it. Like a slap in the face innit?"

My brow furrowed in concern, thumb stroking over the heart on his hip, "What'd you do?"

"Left. Packed up my things, fucked off to Louis's house, and moped around until he told me to get my bony arse off his couch," Zayn chuckled fondly.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, hesitant to move, unsure of what to do.

Zayn made the decision for me, kissing me forehead and enfolding me in his arms until I was tucked into his chest, "Nothing to be sorry for, love."

I nodded, listening to the steady beat of his heart thumping away as I let his words seep in. Just one explanation and everything made sense. Five minutes or so was all it took for me to understand Zayn a thousand times more than I ever had. Three hundred seconds and a painful memory later and all the confusion, unanswered questions, and angst was unraveled.

"Louis and I moved here for uni, and I swore off Omegas. Thought that way maybe I wouldn't have to go through what I went through with Perrie. Louis met an absolute menace named Harry who happened to be an Omega, and I love him like a brother, but figured that Lou just got lucky," Zayn laughed lightly, fingers tracing patterns over my back again.

I paid rapt attention, eager to hear as much as he would tell. It was one of the first times Zayn had spent longer than a few seconds talking about his past.

"I didn't expect for you to be an Omega. I just- I met you and it didn't even occur to me that you could be one because I didn't smell it on you. Couldn't smell anything other than honey and rain and warmth. Caught me by surprise, running into you like that, when I was moving in, and trying to get my boxes up those bleedin' stairs. Thought you were a beta 'cause you were never afraid of me, or avoided eye contact. You never exhibited any of the usual signs, yeah?" He smirked, claiming my mouth with his when I tipped my head back to look at him.

"Was raised to look after myself. My mom always worried about me being taken advantage of because of my status and made sure that I wouldn't be. When she died, I moved here for school and a fresh start. Mia and her mom basically took me in and helped me adjust," I told him, nipping at his scruff covered jaw.

Zayn squirmed against me, "You're a right contradiction, you know that? I quite like it."

I giggled, smile pressed into his collarbone, "Yeah, well, I quite enjoy when you actually talk to me."

"Don't get used to it," he teased, an edge of warning in his tone.

"I won't," I promised, kissing the base of his throat.

 

I woke up with Zayn plastered to my back, one leg hooked between both of mine and breath hot on the nape on my neck. I was warm, pleasantly so, blanketed by his body with the comforter pulled up to our shoulders. I stretched minutely, arching my back to work out the kinks, and rolling my shoulders.

I could tell Zayn was waking up behind me, the fingers that were threaded through mine tightening as he pulled me closer in a sleepy haze. He ground his hips forward in response, a raspy laugh fanning over my skin as he curved further around me to smear a kiss into my shoulder.

"Morning, babes," he husked out, nuzzling into my throat and tensing his arms around me.

I craned my head to look over my shoulder with a bright smile, "Morning."

Zayn grinned, nipping at me, sucking my lower lip into his mouth and licking inside.

"Mmph," I muffled into our kiss, wrenching around.

A slam from the front of my apartment startled us apart. I jerked up, listening, breathing raggedly with my eyes wide. Only one person smelled like the refined, sugary vanilla candles.

"Fuck, Zayn, it's Mia," I whispered, frantically kicking the blankets away and struggling out of his grip.

"Christ, don't you lock your door?" he groaned, grumpily pouting, hair ruffled and mussed, making him look like literal sex. Which, yeah, that happened.

"You're the one who left it open!" I fired back, running my fingers through my hair in a desperate attempt to tame it a bit and yanking a sleep shirt over my head.

I heard him grumble, a growl starting in his chest as he rolled out of bed, looking tempted to just flop on the ground. It was a miracle he was even moving as fast as he was considering how hard it was to get Zayn out of bed in the morning.

I knew Mia wouldn't come in right away, she was too busy going through my fridge or kicking off her shoes. Most of the time it was both. But all I could do was think about the fallout of her finding Zayn in my room, in my bed.

Mia was dramatic at the best of times, but when it came to guys she took it to a whole other level. Any guy who she liked, or went on one date with, anybody she had a passing fancy for, she decided was hers and no one could have them. If anyone else did date them, they didn't actually mean anything to that boy because she had him first. It was one of the only things that frustrated me about her.

Mia's smell was getting stronger and I pushed Zayn into the closet with a quick kiss and an apologetic look, quietly shutting the door after him.

I straightened out the sheets and clambered back into bed, grabbing at my phone and quickly thumbing through Tumblr. I only had to wait a minute or so before Mia flounced in, munching on some cookies she must've stolen from the pantry.

She glanced around the room neutrally, looking for anything that might've changed since she'd last been in there. It was a bit of a ritual since she was rarely in my apartment. I was always at her house, liked to have my space to myself. Well, that and she kind of exhausted me. Having Liam and Niall around was different.

I gulped as she shut the door, hoping she wouldn't be able to smell any lingering scents. Her nose wasn't as keen as mine or Zayn's, couldn't possibly be able to discern the difference between him and any other Alpha because she was a Beta, but it didn't prevent a spike of fear run through me.

"Hey, were you sleeping?" she inquired softly, joining me on the bed and making me sink towards her.

"No, just woke up a few minutes ago," I replied, sitting up slowly, watching her face intently.

She nodded, biting into another cookie and munching happily.

"What's up?" I broached curiously.

She didn't look that upset just like she wanted to tell me something.

"Nothing much," Mia shrugged with a small smile.

"How're things with Zayn?" I tried.

I didn't know what I was fishing for, just wanted to know where she stood with him. That and I needed her to talk so I could get her out of my room as soon as possible. We both had a habit of dancing around subjects with each other.

"I wouldn't know. He just kind of disappeared. Right arse, him. Shagged me then never called again. Well, I mean, we kind of texted but he mostly just avoided me. Kinda rude, innit? Not to at least tell me that he wasn't interested," she lamented, tossing her long hair over her shoulder.

"Oh, are you guys over? 'Cause, I mean, he does live in my building, and we have hung out a bit. He's pretty cool," I told her cautiously.

She blinked owlishly at me, "Well, yeah, but you're my best mate, yeah?"

I stared at her. It wasn't the first time that she'd expect me to drop someone because they'd broken up, but it was impossible this time.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to stop talking to him. And I don't think he just stopped seeing you for no reason," I suggested casually, resisting the urge to flick my eyes over to the closet.

"I know that, wouldn't ever ask you to stop talking to him, love," Mia insisted even though she practically had. It's all about what she wasn't saying.

"I really liked him," she sighed, licking her soft pink lips.

"Yeah, I know the feeling," I agreed, gaze drifting to the shiny brass knob of the closet door.

Mia fixed me with a serious stare, eyes narrowed scrutinizingly, "Do you like him?"

It wasn't harsh, just mildly accusatory, more full of surprise than anything.

"I-um," I stuttered, unsure of what to say.

"Oh my god! You proper fancy him don't you?! Why didn't you tell me? I would've backed off or hooked you up or something!" Mia squealed excitedly.

If there was anything she liked more than a new guy it was trying to get me to date someone. She truly did care about me, wanted me to be happy more than anything else. So much so she would've been willing to try and get me together with Zayn.

"No! No, just, I'll work it out on my own, okay?" I assured her.

Mia rolled her eyes, "Fine, just be careful, yeah? He likes his privacy and doesn't much appreciate questions. Bit of a weirdo, that one, but cute."

"Yeah, alright, but, um, I've gotta get ready. Liam and Niall are expecting me soon," I fibbed, flipping the blankets off my legs and heading for my dresser.

Mia giggled, "Okay, tell them I said hello, yeah? I've gotta head home, my mum wants me to clean my room before my nan visits."

I nodded, walking to the door and waving until she had been swallowed by the stairwell. I let out a heaving breath, filling my lungs with crisp air before I shut the door, locking it just to be safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nooo idea where to go from here, I have some ideas , but I don't think that it will necessarily fit with this story. It'll take me a while to figure out where to go next, plausibly at least. I don't want to completely change the characters just because they got together but the fact that they did does cause a shift. Until then, I am so grateful for your patience and support. Love you all!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm late getting this chapter up, but I am earlier than I originally expected to be. Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos! Love you (:

I kicked at my mate, heel successfully connecting with his shin and rousing him from the slumber we'd both been in the midst of.

He grumbled in discontent, curling closer to me in protest, face burrowing into the, most likely, knotted mess of my hair. I groaned, wiggling in his hold in distress as the persistent ringing flooded the room.

"Zayn, phone," I mumbled wearily.

"Fucking hell," he muttered, pressing a searing kiss to the nape of my neck before he reluctantly rolled away, feeling around for his jeans which must've been kicked under the bed in our haste to hide Zayn's presence from Mia.

I smothered myself in my pillow, willing the shrillness of his ridiculous ringtone to fade.

Zayn finally made it stop and the room fell into a deadly silence, one that somehow thickened with tension. I hesitantly lifted my head and turned to find Zayn's back rigid where he was bent over his phone.

"Zayn?" I inquired, fingers brushing over the heated skin just before my palm flattened.

He melted into the touch as my hand smoothed over the length of his spine and I sat up to plaster myself to his back.

"What's wrong?" I nipped at his ear, pressing a small kiss below it and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

Stubble scratched over my cheek as Zayn nuzzled closer, "Nothing, love, wasn't important."

He was lying. I knew he was lying. He knew that I knew he was lying. But I let it go anyway, squeezing him tighter, "Okay."

I moved to pull away, to finally drag myself from my warm bed entwined with my mate and face the day, when Zayn grabbed my hand.

I paused, quirking an eyebrow in question and was met with a sweet, lingering kiss, "Should let me take you out on a proper date, yeah?"

"I should, should I?" I teased, enduring the sharp sting of Zayn's teeth on my bottom lip before it was soothed with his tongue.

"Alright," I agreed breathlessly, the soft sigh elicited swallowed as Zayn's mouth enveloped mine and he managed to distract me from the mysterious phone call.

 

I savagely tore clothing from my closet tossing each item on my bed as I searched for anything I could wear. I had no idea what we were doing or where we were going but Zayn had said to dress warm.

Niall was munching happily on some chips, crunching and cackling as he watched my harried search for a date outfit. Liam was much more helpful, sifting through the clothes I tossed near him and sorting them into different piles though I could see the corners of his mouth turned up in an amused smile. I ignored the both of them, nerves fraying and wearing thin as I ran my fingers through my damp hair.

"No, don't wear that, you'll be too warm and it doesn't do anything for you. You can't wear a square on your first date," Liam snorted, rejecting the overly large sweater I'd held up.

I growled, doing a poor imitation of the shiver inducing rumble Zayn managed to pull off effortlessly, just as he did with everything else. Liam's grin just stretched wider as he passed me a pair of skinny jeans that I hastily pulled on, waiting for him to decide on a shirt.

There was a momentary pause before Liam chose a loose, burgundy sweater, one that seemed to be confused about whether it was a crop top or not, caught somewhere in between. I nodded, pulling it over my head, tugging at it until it sat how I wanted it. I gnawed on my bottom lip, turning to Niall for his approval, waiting for him to shoot it down as he already had with three other ensembles.

All the Omega did was whistle loudly, picking through the accessories that had set up shop beside him and chucking a beanie at me. I flinched, only just catching it in time before it hit my face, feeling the soft material of it. I didn't even have to look down to realize that it was one of Zayn's that he'd let me borrowed a long time ago, before everything between us had happened and we were dancing around each other.

I smiled as I yanked it on, followed quickly by a pair of brown boots as I fixed my bangs feeling like every cliché high school girl out there, but satisfied with the result. I was comfortable but still dressed nicely, nice enough for my first date.

Liam made me take a couple of deep breaths, careful not to touch me too much before Zayn arrived so he wouldn't get so possessive during their first meeting. When I'd told Liam he was basically the reason I'd worked things out with my mate he'd gone pink in the cheeks with how genuinely pleased he was.

 

Knuckles rapped sharply on my front door at six o'clock, right on time and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Niall placed a gently hand on my arm when I made to get up from the couch, jitters vibrating through my body with an almost overwhelming intensity. He kissed my cheek before he got up himself to answer the door, greeting Zayn with a cheery laugh.

I watched him closely, how easily he fell into conversation with the Omega. Liam emerged from the bathroom, cautiously approaching and joining his mate, hesitantly inserting himself in the conversation. I could see the way Zayn tensed from the moment he set eyes on the built Alpha, eyeing him warily but taking the introduction in stride as I finally made myself move.

I squeezed my way between the three boys, letting Zayn sling an arm around my shoulder and tuck me in close.

"Hey, love," he breathed, lips skimming my cheekbone.

My cheeks already ached from smiling so much as we said our goodbyes, shutting the door behind us. I heaved a sigh of relief, sinking into Zayn and letting him support me.

"Didn't think they'd be so cool, like. I actually quite like them," he assured me, thumbing over my shoulder blade as his hand smoothed over my back before dropping to thread his fingers through mine.

"Good, can't have my mate not getting along with my mates," I teased lightly, swinging our hands a bit and testing Zayn's hold.

He groaned, shaking his head, "You've been living here how long and you still can't manage a proper accent?"

"Not all of us can be so perfect all the time, can we?" I jabbed, giddy and high on the adrenaline from the anxiety that had been coursing through me in anticipation.

I wasn't sure what brought on the reaction I got. Maybe it was the underlying grain of truth in the statement. It could've been that Zayn knew me better than I thought he did, sensing all the complicated emotions swirling in the context of a simple joke. Whatever it was, it was unexpected and everything I needed to hear in that moment.

Zayn stopped me as I practically skipped, trying to burn off the excess energy, cradling my cheek in his hand and fixing me with a piercing stare, "Hey, none of that yeah? Both of us know that I'm terrible at this but you make me better. You make me want to actually try after all this time, and to me, that's perfect. You're perfect for me."

I blinked in shock, snapped back into myself and finally settling, feeling more alive and aware than ever as I nodded, "Yeah."

I could feel all the doubts and nervousness retreat, shoved back into the confined space it stemmed from.

Zayn just smirked, dipping to brush our mouths together in a sweet, searching kiss, nudging his nose against mine before pecking my lips once more and resting his forehead against mine with a smile.

"Now, let's get of here so I can finally take you on the date I should've asked you on a long time ago," he suggested, leading me to his car.

He grabbed the door handle, pausing, "I can only let you in on one condition."

My eyebrows reached for my hairline as I waited.

"No more British accents, like. Truly awful, that was," he chuckled, swinging the door open and dodging the smack I aimed at his arm as I slid inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that the last chapter and this one are both sort of fillers, and maybe the next one will be too. I'm not sure. I am sure that the fillers are necessary for what's to come, so bear with me and hope you enjoy the fluff and silliness that comes with two people finally getting what they want/need. (: Thank you all so much!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible with updates, I know. This took me forever and I'm sorry I couldn't manage it sooner. My life has become a whirlwind (: Anyways, hope you enjoy, no promises on when the next chapter will be up, and I love you all! Thank you for reading and being so patient with me.
> 
> Also, it's hella late right now, so this might be crappy and I'll look it over tomorrow (:

"Laser tag?" I asked interestedly as Zayn handed me a vest with a plastic gun attached to it.

He grinned, slipping his own gear on then watching amusedly as I struggled into my own, steadying me with a hand to the elbow when I nearly toppled over.

"You've never played, yeah?" he recalled, buckling me in and handing me the gun where it dangled, swinging wildly.

I shook my head, corners of my mouth stretching as I beamed at him, "No."

"Don't worry love, I got you. We're gonna smash it," Zayn assured me, waggling his eyebrows and leading me towards the small group of people crowding a door.

I bit my lip nervously, eager to try but worried I'd disappoint. I'd always wanted to play laser tag, but never really had the opportunity to since it had taken a backseat to other responsibilities. Now I was excited again, bouncing on the tips of my toes as Zayn watched me quietly, eyes shining fondly.

The door opened and we were all allowed a minute's head start to figure out our positions. Until then I'd been wondering why Zayn had told me to dress warmly, especially when I found out what we'd be doing. That is until I entered the arena or play area, whatever you called it, and a blast of cold air washed over me.

I shivered as I stealthily followed Zayn who walked like a ghost through the night. He was absolutely silent, footsteps light as he glided into a little alcove, pulling me inside with him just before a member of the other team snuck over into our territory.

Hot breath puffed over the back of my neck, Zayn's lips brushing over my shoulder as he pulled me into his chest.

"Was your plan to seduce me or play laser tag?" I whispered, barely audible above the soft sounds of clothes rustling.

"A bit of both, actually," he murmured, pressing a kiss just below my ear before releasing me, fingers squeezing into my hip before a long beep announced the start of the game.

Zayn prodded me forward, "Have fun and don't get shot."

I cocked an eyebrow, kissing him once for luck before darting after an enemy that I succeeded in shooting with the echo of Zayn's laughter fading behind me.

It was a thrill, running after different players, ducking and dodging trying to avoid getting caught and suspended until the gun started working again. I could see Zayn sometimes, the intense, focused look that hardened his handsome features and the way he smiled wolfishly in triumph when he managed to knock out his target.

We met up more than once, panting into each other's mouths as we pressed close in a corner, hidden from the chaos of shouting and trash talking around us. Sweaty foreheads bowed towards each other as we muffled laughs against smiling lips before parting ways to fight off the swarm of enemies.

I was in the midst of battle with a formidable opponent in the form of a girl with quick reflexes and a wicked ability to appear out of nowhere when it happened again. The brightness of Zayn's phone screen illuminated his face as he gazed down with an agonized expression.

A cacophony of emotions flashed across his features, settling on one of indecision as he reluctantly tapped at what I assumed was the reject button and tucked his cell into his pocket. He shook his head, chest heaving as he sucked in a sharp breath. I was frozen, unable to move or play as I had been getting shot during the time I'd been staring curiously at my mate. The mate that was ignoring phone calls left and right it seemed.

It was probably nothing. Why should I worry? Zayn had always been secretive and I knew that wasn't going to change just because he had told me he loved me.

I should've realized when I couldn't feel him that something was wrong. Should've tried to reach out more and recognized that the thrum of a bond between us was being blocked by more than just shared adrenaline because of the game.

 

"That was amazing!" I giggled, falling into Zayn as we hastily put our gear aside and were ushered out of the room it was stored in.

He grinned, "Yeah?"

I nodded eagerly, spinning out of his arms and just twirling in the parking lot, head tipped back and eyes closed.

Zayn chuckled, leaning against the trunk as he watched and catching me when I stumbled with an ease that was too practiced for the time we'd spent together. Okay, maybe it happened a lot more than I cared to admit.

"Don't go falling for me, love, not worth it," he joked, pecking me on the lips, a hot hand pressed into my lower back.

"Already fell, a long time ago, and trust me it's worth it. Even if you're not there to catch me," I shrugged, the fabric of his shirt clenched in my fists.

Zayn's smile faltered, before he caught the gleam in my eye, the one that led him to sigh in relief, "You're an absolute menace. Remind me not to introduce you to Louis. You two would wreak havoc on all of us."

I pressed closer, nosing along the column of his throat, licking over a hickey hiding just beneath the sharpness of his jaw, "Learned from the best. You were the one who helped Louis attack defenseless people with water balloons."

Zayn tipped his head back, letting me nip at the most sensitive spots on his neck, his adam apple bobbing as he swallowed hard, "We made a bet."

I giggled, tucking my face into his chest as his hands smoothed over my back, "Of course you did."

I could almost see the eye roll Zayn was no doubt giving me as he ducked his head, stubble rasping over my cheek to purse his lips against my shoulder.

It was a quiet moment. Warmth encasing us as we shared heartbeats, fingers delving deeper into clothes to avoid the chill in the air, and breaths slowing to match.

And yet again everything came grinding to a halt.

Obnoxious ringing filled the air, breaking us apart as I jerked from Zayn's arms in surprise as he fumbled for his phone. He pulled it from his pocket between two thin fingers, glancing at the screen and I knew then that something really was wrong.

I rocked forward onto my toes, seeing the name Perrie sprawled across the screen accompanied by a picture of a gorgeous blonde with a bright smile.

Zayn gaze up at me with a question in his eyes and I nodded, "Answer it."

His thumb hovered over the screen as he stared down. Any second it was going to go to voicemail.

"Zayn, answer it," I prompted, thumbing over his wrist.

He exhaled shakily, finally doing it and raising the cell to his ear as he kissed me harshly, bruising my mouth with his and listening to what his ex had to say. When he pulled away his eyes shone with understanding and brimmed with regret before his lids fluttered shut and I was locked out.

 

I hadn't heard from Zayn in a week. Not since the night of our first date. He'd gone silent, a resigned, resolute set to his jaw as he drove us home. All he could say was that he was sorry, that he'd call me when he figured some things out.

But it seemed as though time had stretched and an eternity passed before he did. Our conversation lasted less than three minutes with Zayn mumbling an apology and reminding me that he loves me. It felt more like a goodbye than anything.

And maybe it was. Maybe it was Zayn's way of warning me seeing as he had managed to tamp down the amount of emotion he conveyed. The soft strains of his mood were near gone by the time I saw the reason Zayn and I could never be.

It came barreling around the corner, nearly running into me with a toothy grin and chubby little arms.

"Aziz!" the little boy's mother chastised, swooping him up in her arms with a brilliantly perfect smile.

The sound of my blood surging through my veins roared in my ears as the little boy shrieked with joy, waving his arms about and accidentally smacking his mom in the face. I felt myself pale, could barely manage a smile and "It's alright" as Perrie apologized for her son's behavior.

Aziz was the spitting image of Zayn and I felt faint as my mate's former girlfriend barely even registered me, excusing herself as she headed towards the stairs. She didn't even know about me. She had no idea that someone else had even existed for Zayn after she broke his heart.

Because he hadn't told her. Zayn never planned on staying with me when he found out about his child. I was nothing. Couldn't be anything to him anymore. Not when he was always going to be tied to Perrie in the form of a darling little boy that radiated as much life as he did.

I nearly collapsed, stumbling my way out of the stairwell and into the chilly morning air, letting the heavy security door slam behind me as I tried to breathe.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look at me!! I actually updated on time!! (: I feel so fancy and productive! Even if this chapter isn't the greatest. I love you all and hope you like it!

Two knocks. One bated breath. Zero hope for anything other than a fight or a breakdown.

I couldn't smell Perrie, not enough to indicate that she was actually in Zayn's apartment. A sweet scent lightly blanketed the flat, but couldn't manage to overwhelm the smell of my mate, as if it only lingered. There was an unbridled wave of it when Zayn finally opened the door with a sad smile, chest pressing into the frame as he leaned forward, before my senses were assaulted with the smell of my Alpha.

"Hey, love," he murmured, absently picking at the paint speckled black tank top clinging to his lithe frame.

"You have a kid," I blurted breathlessly.

I was met with a dry chuckle, "Yeah, I suppose I do."

"He's beautiful," I tried.

I just wanted to talk to him, to see Zayn up close after two weeks of radio silence, longing glances, and the ache of his absence. Wanted a chance to help relieve some of the stress that had tensed his shoulders and put bags under his eyes.

"Thanks, like. He's here right now, actually. You got a minute?" Zayn offered, pulling back to allow me in, bare feet shuffling over the soft hallway carpet.

I nodded numbly, stepping inside and following him into the living room where Aziz was beaming up at some brightly colored cartoon playing on TV, thouroughly absorbed.

That was when I realized something was off. The little boy's scent wafted in tendrils towards me, a mix of his mother's and what was supposed to be Zayn's. And he did smell a bit like his supposed father, but not entirely. There were hints of something woodsy, sharper than the calm, smoky notes of Zayn's scent.

I quirked an eyebrow at my mate, wondering if he'd noticed the nearly imperceptible difference between the two. He grinned encourgingly at me in response, clearly misreading my expression. He hadn't noticed. Hadn't even realized that Aziz may not be his.

A stab of rage pierced through me at the thought of Perrie invading Zayn's life again when her son wasn't even his. If anything Aziz's biological father was probably that guy she cheated on my Alpha with.

Shocked dumb with a flash of iciness towards the seemingly benevolent blonde, I was melted by the warmth of Zayn's gaze as he watched Aziz giggle delightedly. He was so enraptured with this little angel. The soft skinned boy who shrieked with joy and kicked his feet together. I sighed, dropping to my knees as I cautiously crawled to join the bubbly toddler.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," Aziz enthused.

And that was all it took before he was off, babbling about anything and everything. It was mostly nonsense but it made him light up even more, having someone to speak gibberish to. I didn't mind, just let it happen, giggling as he showed me his blocks and corrected my failed attempts to build a tower the way he wanted.

I left him to it, retreating slowly so I wouldn't disturb the already precarious pile of blocks as I slid my way onto the couch with Zayn. I didn't touch him, didn't know what our boundries were anymore, even though every fiber of my being screamed at me to at least let our skin brush.

Any self preservation was completely decimated the moment that Zayn drew me into his chest, pulling me half on top of him, and landing me essentially in his lap. I burrowed in, nosing into the curve of his neck as he buried his face in my hair, inhaling sharply. I fisted his shirt in my hand, tugging it down until I could rest my cheek against warm skin and listen to his heart beat steadily.

"I miss you so fucking much," Zayn breathed, words muffled but just as sincere.

"Me too," I mumbled.

How could I even start this conversation? The one where I shatter Zayn's heart over the fact that Aziz might not be his?

"I just can't risk losing him. Didn't even know he existed, but like. Can't leave now can I?" Zayn explained, fingers trailing over my back.

I let out a slow breath, propping my head up, "Zayn, I uh, I don't think that Aziz is your son."

Well I guess that works. Way to beat around the bush.

His derisive snort caught me by surprise, "Think I'd know if he wasn't, yeah?"

"I'm serious. He doesn't smell right, Zayn," I insisted, leaning back with my feet folded underneath my thighs.

He shook his head defiantly, jaw clenching, "Look at him Trigger, he's my son. He's not just some random kid off the street."

"I'm not saying he is, actually have a different theory about that," I broached tentatively.

Zayn's eyes flashed in understanding just as the door to his apartment opened and Perrie came sashaying in.

"Hey, love," she called as she shut the door, stopping short when she saw the unfortunate position we had arranged ourselves in. It looked a lot more sexual than it really was.

I practically fell from Zayn's lap in my desperate scramble to put space between us at Perrie's furious glare.

"So this is how you watch our son, yeah? By hooking up with some slaggy girl?" Perrie demanded.

"It's not like that, babes," Zayn started.

I clucked my tongue, "No, it's not. I'll leave you two to it."

I shouldn't have left. Not like that. But being there would've just complicated things even more. Zayn didn't believe me. He'd have to realize the truth himself but he'd always wanted a family, it was one of the first things I'd learned about him, and he wasn't going to let go so easily.

 

I was in school. Trying to concentrate on the course material was hard enough with the constant distraction of Zayn on my mind, but the sweat sliding down my back wasn't helping. Nor was the hot, prickling itch spreading through my body. It didn't feel like heat. No, it was stronger than that. Something was wrong and the roiling of my stomach only reinforced the thought.

A wave of nausea crashed over me as I hunched forward, fighting the urge to vomit. A sharp pain ran up my side, and I twitched as it sparked again, burning white hot up to my neck where my bond mark was. I slapped my hand over it, rubbing vigorously to try and gain some feeling back after the electric shock that had run through me.

It was spreading through my veins, more agonizing than any heat I'd ever been through. It felt like molten lava was sizzling beneath the surface of my scorching hot skin. It consumed me, a blistering torment that resulted in vicious screams clawing their way from my throat, ripping themselves from my mouth as I collapsed, smacking the linoleum hard.

I was being torn apart, jagged little pieces of me breaking off until I was nothing but a mutilated mess, each breath rattling through me as I gasped desperately for air.

I writhed on the floor, body convulsing as tears wet my cheeks, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. It felt like someone was repeatedly slicing into my neck, knife slipping beneath the skin as warm blood gushed from the wound. I choked on a cry, vocal chords nearly shredded as I finally blacked out, intense and overwhelming suffering fading to nothingness when I mercifully lost consciousness.

 

The steady beeping of a machine is what I awoke to. That and the bright, sterile smelling hospital room I happened to be in, scratchy sheets twisted around legs. I groaned, shoving my face in the stiff pillow, breathing heavily.

"Trigger?" a soft voice asked.

"What happened?" I croaked, emerging to blink questioningly at Mia.

She gently pushed my bangs from my face, brow wrinkling in concern.

"Your mate, he broke your bond. You've been out for a week, love," she murmured, rubbing a hand over my back soothingly.

My heart dropped into my stomach as I finally let the tears I'd bitten back as much as possible from the very start of everything flow without the underlying guilt of being pathetic. Because I wasn't. A part of me was torn away, half of my heart, a part of my very soul, had been ripped from me when it wasn't meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, oops? I'll try and update as soon as possible.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, I wrote this pretty quickly so there might be some mistakes and stuff but I'll get to that later. Happy Mother's Day! Hope you like it!

It took more than a while to get me to stop crying once I'd started. It felt like an ocean of tears, salty and wet, as they rolled over my cheeks. Mia sat with me quietly the entire time, making no move to touch me after I flinched away from her gentle hand. Eventually exhaustion won out and I passed out again, descending into the sweet abyss of sleep.

 

"Da?" a sweet voice prompted.

My eyes fluttered open, lids still heavy with sleep, to find Perrie holding Aziz squirming in her arms as she gazed down at the person occupying the bed next to mine. When I finally managed to glance over it felt like another punch to the gut.

Zayn.

His face was pale, drawn, brow furrowed and full lips parted as he slept. Not very well by the looks of it. Every once in a while he'd grimace, face contorting in pain, and I wondered if he'd woken up yet at all.

Aziz was really struggling now, twisting around to try and reach Zayn, making grabby hands and ignoring his mother's attempts to soothe him. She shushed the child, bouncing him a bit on her hip as she shook her head and pressed soft kisses to his cheeks.

A jolt of fear ran through me, making my toes tingle and my hair stand on end. But it wasn't mine. What did I have to be scared of anymore? When I was empty and heartbroken?

That's when I felt it, the tiniest tug of love followed by the overwhelming feeling of regret. I nearly gasped as a thread was repeatedly yanked and pulled at, desperately trying to snap within me. Something was flooding me with emotions that couldn't have possibly been my own. Not when I could hardly feel anything other than the anguish and the rage over what Zayn had done.

"Hey, you're awake!" Mia trilled excitedly from the door way, making Perrie's head snap towards me.

It was so odd, the cold indifference that I was met with. I couldn't even fathom what the meaning behind the expression was when I'd never done anything to her. She was the one who stole my mate. I knew it was her. She was the reason he'd done it. Had severed a bond so strong it'd almost killed me and-from the look of it-Zayn too.

"Yeah," I replied, voice cracking.

I wondered how long I'd been sleeping.

"Has Zayn woken up at all?" I inquired.

Mia's eyes flicked over to his bed, trailing over Perrie and Aziz as she shook her head, "No, he hasn't even opened his eyes, love. Not since he collapsed screaming in the exam room after taking the drug that was supposed to um, y'know..."

I closed my eyes again, taking long, deep breaths, "What do you mean, 'supposed to'?"

There was a drawn out silence as the urgency to break that tether I'd come to associate with Zayn increased then petered out just as quickly, just a soft ebb and flow reminding me that it was there.

"The doctors say that it was too strong to break. You're still technically unmated but you kind of soul bonded in a way that refuses to be broken? I'm not quite certain what all the details are, wasn't paying proper attention with you asleep for so long and that," she told me, a weak smile playing at the corners of her lips.

There was a scornful snort, one that reverberated throughout the room and echoed hollowly in my chest as Perrie rolled her eyes.

"Have you got something to say?" Mia demanded, temper flaring as she planted her fists on her hips and quirked an eyebrow.

Another roll of the eyes was the only response we got before the blonde huffed and took a wailing Aziz from the room.

"Right bitch that one. Hasn't even been here that much, especially for someone who claims they're so in love with Zayn, yeah?" Mia scoffed, sinking into what must've been an entirely uncomfortable hospital chair.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, avoiding her gaze when it rested on me questioningly.

"For not telling you that it was Zayn," I clarified, sneaking a peek at him.

He was still in clear distress, the soft thrums of sadness and fear strumming the string that kept us connected.

"Don't even worry about it, babes, like. Explains a lot, yeah? Just, what happened? You told me that you got back with your mate and now you're in hospital," she pointed out.

So I did. I started from the beginning and just let the story pour out of me.

 

"Your vitals look good and you've been keeping solid food down. I think that it'd be all right if you went home today," Dr. Bailey announced, a smile brightening up her kind face as she looked over my chart.

"What about Zayn?" I asked.

It'd been two days since I'd woken up. I was just waiting for him to do the same. I tensed in anticipation at every slight sound he made. The rustling of the sheets, soft puffs of breath, each little sigh, all catalogued and thought to be some sign of him finally opening his striking eyes.

"We're not sure, exactly. The drug affected him more because he took it directly. It's still trying to eat away at the bond that it couldn't destroy. We have him on medication that should counteract the effects but it's taking longer than expected to work. Things like this... well, bonds are still as enigmatic as the brain itself. We just have to give it time as he is still in a great deal of pain," she explained.

I nodded, waiting until she left to collapse into the pillows, watching the steady rise and fall of Zayn's chest.

He was still my Alpha, my mate, and I couldn't let go. He tried to break our bond for a reason, one that had no other catalyst other than Perrie. I wanted answers. I wanted to yell and scream and kick. I wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to hear him murmur how much he loved me.

Everything was a whirlwind, this manic swirl of emotions that churned inside me with a fierce intensity rivaling that of a tornado. It all beat down on me, pelting me with an icy insistence reminiscent of a torrential rain that couldn't contain itself any longer.

Pain, anger, despair, hope, love; all circling in a vicious cycle interrupted by the odd pang of feeling from Zayn where he lay next to me in that stupid hospital bed. We were both confined to a room that was at the same time too small and too big with a plethora of oxygen that never seemed to fill my lungs. Not when he was hurting.

As much as I wanted to hate him-to hurt him like he did me-I couldn't ever imagine it. Couldn't even consider the possibility because in a way, he was. He had experienced the same mind numbing agony that I had, and-according to the doctors-he still was. At least some variation of it because the drug that tore souls apart was still in his system. It was still gnawing it's way through him.

And then there was Perrie and Aziz. Perrie, lying to him, and Aziz just another innocent casualty who wasn't even Zayn's son. He was just a little boy who believed his mommy and fell in love with Zayn just as fast as my mate had fallen in love with him. Just as fast as I had tumbled over the edge of reservation and into the tangled web that was loving someone as complicated as Zayn Malik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, have I redeemed myself at least a little for that awful ending to the last chapter?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for taking so long. I've been working my butt off and I've been sick to boot so I haven't had the time or energy to write anything. I have a day off though so I've written you a chapter! It's kinda sucky but I'm lazy and don't feel like being a perfectionist about it. Hope you like it anyways.
> 
> Thank you to all of you who have stuck around and kept reading this. Seriously, I love you guys so much.

"Wake up," I deadpanned, jabbing Zayn's cheek.

His head just lazily lolled to the side. Even when he was asleep he moved like honey, sticky and slow, in no hurry to actually go anywhere. He just laid there as machines beeped and I begged him to fucking open his eyes.

It'd been a week of nothing but this; of watching Zayn flinch in his slumber and clutch desperately at the sheets or, when I could stand the contact, my hand. I felt every emotion as it consumed him without any way for him to stop it. It thrummed through me with an impressive force and I wondered, yet again, how determined Zayn must've been to keep me out to be able to hold back the violent sparks of feeling.

Mia had stopped by a bit nearly every day, but she was less inclined to stay considering I was awake. Perrie had all but disappeared after a strained, awkward meeting when she brought Aziz to see Zayn.  I couldn't help but hope she'd just left for good, packing up her bags and heading back to wherever the hell she came from. She shouldn't have even come back into Zayn's life in the first place if her only reason was to trick him into being a father to Aziz. I doubted that was the case.

All I could do was sit there helplessly wishing there was something I _**could** _ do. It was horrific, just staying there, day after day, sometimes staying the night if I could, and seeing Zayn endure the pain that came with having tried to break our bond. There was a hollowness to his face, the circles under his eyes deepening the longer he stayed in his coma, the sharpness of his cheekbones more prominent from lack of nutrition. He looked as though he'd been through the worst rut of his life, and was still living it.

I tried talking to him, to keep my spirits up just in case he could hear me but with each passing hour it felt like it was becoming even more pointless. The heavy stench of a sterile hospital room practically obliterated the smell of my Alpha. It drenched any other scent with it's crisp, clean smell, just to keep it's patients safe. But at the moment it was nauseating me increasingly so I buried my face in Zayn's neck. I just wanted to breathe him, to smell him after only tiny hints during the week. I climbed into bed with my mate and curled close, pulling his arm around me to gain some semblance of normalcy. We were complicated from the start, but right then I just wanted the simplest thing, the only thing I was deprived of. Zayn.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night, damp with sweat and breath ragged. I was pinned to the bed with a familiar arm and I took a second to revel in the weight of it slung over my waist.  Zayn was clinging to me like a vine, nosing along the line of my neck with a pleased half smile on his cracked lips as he cuddled closer. He sighed contentedly, breath fanning over the nape of my neck. I could only imagine how rank it must've smelt but right then it was the sweetest thing I could have imagined.

I craned my head around, watching as the lines of pain and fear that had embedded themselves in his face smoothed out. Nothing but the distant ghost of them remained in his features as he smacked his lips a bit in his sleep before nuzzling into my hair.

I laughed quietly, a short, unamused rumble through my chest. It was something containing relief or maybe just exhaustion. Either way it only led me to fit myself to the curve of Zayn's body and shoving my head back into the pillow, happy to try sleeping through the rest of the night for once.

My eyes fluttered shut as I sank down, unaware of how Zayn's arm tightened around me until the raspiness of on unused voice permeated the thick silence, "Trigger?"

I froze, heart thumping wildly in my chest, "Yeah?"

"Water, babes?" the voice croaked.

It wasn't just my imagination. No, Zayn was awake. He was finally fucking awake and I could barely move an inch until his rough cough made me spring from the bed.

I shakily handed him the cup of water, an entire jug of it waiting patiently by his bed to refill it if need be.

He thirstily downed five cups, almost gasping for air by the end of it, before he motioned me closer, bony fingers tugging at mine. I carefully clambered back into the lumpy hospital bed with him, clumsily readjusting the both of us. We ended up facing each other, heads pillowed on bent arms and fingers clasped tightly in the middle of us.

For the thousandth time I was speechless, unable to articulate any of the questions that had been flying restlessly through my mind.

"I'm sorry," was what was finally said, spoken quietly and falling into the space between us.

But it was Zayn who had uttered those words. Zayn whose face was contorted with the pure sincerity of the phrase.

"What in the fuck were you thinking?"

That's the only question I could settle on. The one that was screaming at the top of it's lungs begging to get out before it was clawing it's way up my throat and past my lips into existence.

"She threatened to never let me see Aziz again, yeah? I couldn't lose him," he explained.

I knew it.

"So you could lose me?" I inquired.

There was no heat behind it. Nothing but the willingness to understand and the hurt that had been inflicted so mercilessly.

"Fuck. _**No**_. I just, I thought that breaking our bond would get her to stick around, and like. Can't try and get joint custody if they're gone, can I? Figured we could bond again when I did, didn't know how much it would bloody hurt though," he grumbled, thumbing over the back of my hand.

"You should've told me," I sighed.

It was my last protest. I was too tired to fight. There wasn't any point. Not when I was so in love with him that I probably forgave him the second I realized what this was all about. That's what scared me. The idea of allowing Zayn to tear me apart and destroy me without so much as a second thought because I was so bound to him in every way a person could be.

"I tried so many times. It was just-the second I did you would've thought of some way to convince me that it didn't have to happen. You're my strength and my weakness, yeah? I'd believe anything you told me, like. Would follow you blindly and happily, but I couldn't this time. This time it had to be about Aziz, not us," he lamented.

I slipped my hand out of his grip, saw the fear in his eyes when they widened, before I was scooting closer and running gentle fingertips over the beard that had grown while he was asleep.

"It didn't work Zayn, the drug. It broke our mating bond but it couldn't touch our soul bond," I told him.

"Yeah, can feel you still," he nodded, pressing his forehead to mine and closing his eyes.

His breathing slowly evened out and I burrowed into the blankets and the thin mattress the best I could, taking his hand in mine again. Just when I thought he'd fallen asleep his questioning eyes peeked out from under the shaggy mane of his hair.

"What's your first name?" he whispered softly.

A smile quirked the corners of my mouth. It wasn't the first time he'd asked me. He'd done so sporadically since the moment he found out that Trigger was my surname, trying to catch me off guard before the frequency petered out into nonexistence.

I kissed his cheek, lips dragging along his jaw to press against his ear lobe, "Sloan."

He hummed in acknowledgement, "Trigger fits you better."

My heart swelled with affection at Zayn's words and it almost burst when he drew me in tight to his chest before he finally dropped back off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll be posting next. Could be anytime. At the rate I'm working and how busy my life has become I can't give you an exact time frame other than this: I will update within a month (Hopefully). That is my goal. I want to update this at least once a month. I'm really sorry if this disappoints anyone but I need to work to help my mom pay the bills. I'm the only one in our family working right now.
> 
> Thank you again. Love you (:


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally wrote another chapter. I hope you guys like it and I love you all! Thank you so much for reading (:

Warm lips brushed over my skin, an almost full beard scraping over my cheek, no doubt reddening the pale skin. I snuggled back into the heat curled around me, forgetting for a moment where I was before I cracked an eye open.

Sunlight was streaming through the window, bright and insistent, casting a yellow glow along the lines of Zayn's figure as I cautiously turned in his arms. He was smiling softly, something private that somehow shone with love as he nudged his nose against mine.

"What kind of name is Sloan Trigger?" he chuckled teasingly.

I wasn't sure what I had expected but the playful teasing was a relief that loosened the tiniest bit of tension that had settled in my bones. I rolled my eyes, a breathy laugh rattling in my chest as I reached up, scrubbing my fingers through his facial hair.

"You try picking a name for something like Trigger. It's hard, I've tried. When I was little I was constantly trying to figure out a name that would sound better so I could change it when I got older," I challenged him.

His brow furrowed. Zayn's lips parted, as he silently mouthed names that could possibly work. He pouted when it didn't work and I pecked his lips, nipping at the lower one before rolling out of his arms.

My clothes were rumpled and my hair was a mess. My breath felt stale, bordering on gross, and I doubted Zayn's was much better. I needed to go home, and now that Zayn was finally awake he was probably dying to get out of there. A huge part of me just wanted to bundle him up and steal him away, to bring him home and take care of him. But there was that lingering doubt, the bitterness that stemmed from being rejected. No matter how understanding I was there was still the sting of the unrest and pain caused by Zayn's decision.

"What um, I think we should talk about where we stand, like what we are to each other," I broached, taking a deep breath.

It wasn't something that I really wanted to get into, not with Zayn still in a hospital bed but it was a burning subject that flamed hotter than my heats. I could barely choke it out but I needed to know. I didn't want to be in the dark anymore. I couldn't really, not after what happened. I wasn't going to put myself through loving Zayn if he didn't start communicating with me. I couldn't wait around for him to tell me things all the time; not when it just tore me to pieces and ripped us apart.

"Dunno what we are, like. What I did- I can't ever make that up to you, yeah? It's right fucked up, innit? But I want to be your Alpha officially, if you'll let me. I'm so bloody in love with you I can't think straight. It's up to you, love. Don't think I have any right to decide anything after what I did," Zayn replied, propping himself up on his elbow and fixing me with his amber eyes.

"Glad we're on the same page then," I grinned, ducking to press a chaste kiss to his mouth.

"Which part?" he inquired, smirking, canines digging into his bottom lip.

"All of it," I replied seriously.

"And I'll help you any way I can with getting custody of Aziz, of any kind. On one condition," I bargained, leveling Zayn with a stare.

He nodded, meeting my gaze with a sincere intensity.

"You have to get a paternity test. You need to know Zayn, it isn't fair to you or him, not knowing. Really, I understand why you love him so much, he's a great kid, but please, believe me. His smell is off. There's something about his scent that just doesn't match yours," I implored.

I waited with bated breath for about a second before Zayn was sighing, "Yeah alright, like. Probably should've done that first, it's just- I've always wanted kids, and he looks and acts and smells so much like me, yeah? I loved her once, and part of me just wants to trust that she would never do this to me."

I breathed for what felt like the first time since Perrie came back, "I know."

 

Before I left for home that day Zayn and I agreed not to see each other before he demanded the paternity test. But for once he called me. He made sure to call every day, to talk and to laugh over the short amount of distance between us. It was as if it was months before and we were sprawled in one of our apartments again. The only difference was the underlying stress, the slight tension radiating along a thread connecting us every time Perrie came up in conversation.

Either way it was if a dam was broken and the out pour was Zayn's story. The tales of him as a child and a gawky teenager, just tripping his way through life. He talked until his voice was hoarse, purging the words that had been cooped up for so long, a fond smile likely spreading across his face during the happier memories.

 

Two weeks after the day Zayn woke up there was a knock on my door. I peered curiously at it from the couch as if the person behind it would just announce themselves or come inside. The smell wafting towards me set me on edge and my skin crawled as I reluctantly forced myself from the comfort of my sofa, hesitantly opening the door.

Bleach blonde hair tumbled over delicate shoulders and bright, glossy blue eyes settled on me neutrally. I quirked an eyebrow, unsure of what I could possibly say to the woman standing in front of me. She just smiled thinly, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she studied me.

"I'm sorry. I um," she paused, clearing her throat, "I never really wanted to face that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't expect for him to have mated, not really. Didn't think your bond would be strong enough to even rival what we had, yeah? It is true, though, innit? You two are properly meant for each other. I just wanted a father for my son, someone as brilliant as Zayn is."

"Yeah- yeah, I get that," I agreed.

She nodded once, and left, gliding down the hallway with all the grace she could muster as my door swung shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there will be very many more chapters after this one! I'm working on the right ending, which might be within the next couple of chapters if not the next one. xx


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I was right....This will be the last chapter! I hope you like it!

"Fuck," Zayn groaned, burying his face into my sweaty shoulder, licking over the bond mark he'd just made for the second time.

I wiggled on his knot, trying to find a comfortable position with a huge cock locked inside of me while my neck throbbed with a dull pain. I could feel our bond already strengthened, healing over the scarred parts of us and fitting broken pieces together to make a whole as Zayn peppered light kisses across my collarbone. I shivered, goosebumps erupting as he did, his tongue flicking out to taste the salt on my skin as he thumbed over the dimples at the bottom of my spine.

"Alright, love?" Zayn asked, nuzzling into my throat, breathing deeply just to scent me.

He'd been doing that a lot lately, following me around like a pup just to shove his nose into my hair so he could get the most concentrated form of my smell despite the suppressants I was taking. It was adorable and sent butterflies erupting in my tummy at the open affection was showing me. It was like all the barriers between us had been broken, demolished by all the pain that had been inflicted.

"Yeah, perfect," I smiled, kissing the tip of his nose just to see the crinkly eyed smile I loved so much, watching the memorized way he bit his tongue.

"Love you, yeah?" he murmured, brushing his lips over mine softly, mouthing over the line of my jaw.

"Yeah, love you," I grinned, nipping at his chin when he pulled back to look at me.

 

I snuffled into the couch cushion, breathing in the scent of my Alpha mingling with mine as I woke up, peering over the back of it to find Zayn walking through the front door. I gave him a weary smile, blearily blinking at him until he came into focus as he dropped his keys on the side table and hung up his hoodie. It was the one usually drenched in his smell, the one he made me wear when he felt the Alphas in my class were getting a bit too close for comfort, even if most of them were mated.

"Hey, gorgeous," he greeted, shuffling over to where I was laid out and pecking me on the cheek, stubble rasping over soft skin for a moment before he drew away to fix me with a harassed look.

"You smell different, like, odd," Zayn told me, brushing my bangs from my face, pressing his lips to my forehead and inhaling deeply.

"Yeah?" I giggled, squirming underneath his searching gaze and equally curious hands.

"Have you another Alpha classmate? This is new, like, familiar but not? 'S weird," Zayn pouted, eyes raking over me as if he could see why my scent was different.

I laughed again as his brow furrowed further, "No, don't have any new people."

He growled in frustration, rubbing his cheek over my chest and my neck before retreating to our bedroom, satisfied that I was covered in his scent. I heard the shower turn on, pipes grumbling before they quieted down as I wandered through our newly shared apartment into the room that now contained a king sized bed instead of the tiny twins we both used to have. I grinned, hopping up and sprawling, waiting for my mate to come out of the shower.

It took forever and I was dozing by time he did, but Zayn shut off the water and came out dripping with a towel wrapped around his waist having forgotten a pair of briefs yet again. He froze, turning to me in confusion once more, annoyance flashing in his whiskey eyes as he toweled off enough that he wasn't going to soak me or the bed before he stalked over.

I grinned happily, enjoying the show before I was engulfed by my Alpha, "What in the bleedin' hell is making you smell like that. It's fucking maddening."

He was studying me questioningly, concern underlying the irritation and wonderment as I took his hand and threaded my fingers through his.

"Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other, they decide to mate, and sometimes when that happens-oopmh," I was smothered by another pair of lips harshly pressed to mine before they yanked away excitedly.

"Are you serious, like. You aren't fucking with me, right?" Zayn demanded fiercely, eyes shining like the sun that rarely ever broke through the gray of London.

I bit my lip, slowly shaking my head as the most brilliant grin spread across his face before I was being attacked with more kisses, mouth bruised and cheeks red from his stubble by the time he was done. Of course then I was being gathered up in his strong arms and spun around the room, as Zayn cheered.

I breathed again, so happy and in love, as my mate set me on my feet but kept me close as he captured my lips in a much more tender kiss.

"I'm gonna be a dad," he breathed into my mouth incredulously.

"Yeah, babe, you're gonna be a dad," I assured him, kissing the lips inked into his chest.

"Fuck, I love you so much, and I'm going to love this baby so much, and bloody hell," Zayn chuckled.

"Yeah, bloody hell," I mimicked dazedly.

"Oi! I thought no more British accents from you!" Zayn protested teasingly, hand smoothing over my stomach.

"You're the one running around with no pants on, love," I imitated perfectly that time.

He quirked an eyebrow, seemingly noticing his nakedness for the first time, "Yeah well I never heard you complaining when you were begging me to fuck you, yeah?"

His voice had dropped dangerously and I shuddered as Zayn's eyes darkened. His fingers tightened on my hips, biting into the skin before he tossed me back onto the bed, following me down with an unfair amount of coordination and grace.

"Just needed you to make the baby," I shrugged smilingly, eagerly lifting my arms so Zayn could peel my shirt off.

His expression softened as he ran a calloused palm over my exposed tummy, bending to mouth over it as he spoke, "Gonna show you exactly how it got there."

We fell into each other just as we had every time before, bodies giving and taking as much as our hearts did. There was nothing standing in our way anymore, nothing that could tear us apart when we had what we had needed all along; each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh so much cheese and fluff. Sorry not sorry (:
> 
> Thank you all so much again for reading this! I love you all and appreciate you so very much, it makes my day to know that people have read this story and I really do hope you like the ending! xx


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